Pinks vs. Un-Pinks in Wayzata, MN.

There are only two kinds of people in this world: those who love pink (The Pinks) and those who hate pink (The Un-Pinks).

No other color can evoke such cheerful bliss or such adamant disgust the way pink can. If you love it, you “think pink” and like to be “in the pink.” If you hate it, well, you just. really. hate. it. There’s no in-between. No compromises. No variations. It either makes you feel good or it makes you feel sick.

No other color can do that. Not burnt sienna, not harvest gold, not avocado wink. No other color forces you to choose sides the way pink does.

No wonder the owner of the building at 253 Lake Street in Wayzata painted his building pink. He wanted attention, but he also wanted revenge. He knew pink could both rally his supporters and annoy the living daylights out of the opposition.

So far, his quirky little story has been featured on three local TV stations and will probably go national soon. It’s the old story of individual rights vs. government bureaucracy — only this time, it’s gone pastel.

According to these news sources, the owner of the property wanted to do some heavy-duty remodeling and renovation. He wanted to change the existing one-story property into a five-story upscale apartment building, with shops and restaurants on the first level. Unfortunately for him, the City of Wayzata quickly rained on his Architectural Digesty parade. The bureaucrats, with all the collective aesthetics of a chocolate brown outhouse, wasted no time in upholding the law. They reminded him that the city’s current building/zoning laws only permitted buildings to be three stories or less. So he couldn’t erect a five-story building on his own property.

Furthermore, he also needed to submit detailed plans of his proposed renovation to the city before any reconstruction could commence.

Instead of hiring a reputable architectural firm to do the blueprints and make the presentation to the proper authorities, he retaliated.

He painted his building pink.

He retaliated by painting the existing one-story building pink? Yah, ya betcha. Even the reporters who descended on the scene with their usual hyperbole, were swept away by the color. It wasn’t just pink, it was a pink respectively described as shocking pink, flamingo pink, then really pink.

Oh, yah, the kind of pink everybody hates, don’t ya know.

Just to prove their point, the reporters asked passers-by about it.

“It’s very tacky.” proclaimed the woman-on-the-street.

“It sticks out like a sore thumb,” announced the dude-on-the street.

Apparently, the owner’s dastardly pink plot seemed to be working. When reporters interviewed a representative from the city, he said he was getting all kinds of phone calls. “They’re asking, ‘What’s happening? What’s going on?’”

Like, the end is near because now there’s a pink building (with a XXX sign for sex toys) in downtown Wayzata?

During times like these, I like to provide the voice of reason. Stand back. Here it comes.

Attention, Un-Pinks: Listen, you guys, you don’t have to love pink. No one’s forcing you to accept every color out there. Hate pink all you want. But don’t assume that something’s wrong or bad or evil because it comes in the color you hate.

This advice pertains to skin color, too.

You can’t look at someone’s skin color and immediately know everything about their lives and personalities because skin is only a colored coating that masks body and soul. Unless you’re some kind of all-knowing deity, there’s no possible way for you to know everything about that person.

So you can’t look at black-skinned people and assume they’re all gang members. You can’t look at brown-skinned people and assume they’re all —- do I really have to continue?

Didn’t somebody go over this before in Sunday School or Civics Class?

And while we’re on the subject of rainbow prejudice, here’s a reminder for Pinks, too. Just because something’s covered in your favorite color doesn’t mean it’s going to all right and good and wonderful, either. Don’t be deceived by rosy pink appearances. Keeping an open mind means no snap judgements for both Pinks and Un-Pinks alike. Check your prejudice at the door when it comes to any colorful outside appearances.

Personally, I think so many people hate pink because of their bad childhood associations with diarrhea. Have a tummy ache? Out comes Pepto-Bismol in all its pink radiance.

As for that diehard preference for Minnesota’s four-star color scheme of blue, beige, gray, and greige, I blame the state’s snowy weather. Too much blinding white snow has burned the retinas and damaged the rods and cones in too many eyeballs here. The result is an inability to properly see and appreciate brighter, “prettier” colors. That’s right: you’re doomed to beigeworld because your eyes can’t handle the full color spectrum.

That’s a real shame because what downtown Wayzata really needs now are some pink daiquiris — and I do mean pink.