Empathy, Sympathy and Self-care

Empathy

            We can define empathy as, “understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, or vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, or experiences of another, in either the past or present without actually having those feelings, thoughts, or experiences.” We can, for example, gain insight into how a grieving person feels, without actually experiencing the pain of grief. As care givers it’s important to understand that we work with a problem, without making the problem our own.

Sympathy

            On the other hand, we define sympathy as, “an affinity, association, or interpersonal relationship wherein whatever affects one similarly affects the other; a mutual or parallel receptiveness to a condition; a unity or harmony in feeling, action, or effect.” If we always allow sympathy to dictate our thoughts and feelings in a relationship, we will soon run out of emotional energy with which to engage a problem or situation.

What’s the Difference Mean for Me?

            These two words are often confused in their application. When we engage in empathy, we work with a problem, condition, and so forth; we do not own the problem, or condition. The problem or condition still belongs to the true “owner” even as we undertake to find a resolution, cure, help, and so-on. By contrast sympathy entails not just working with a problem, it means taking the problem on as our own. If I have empathy for someone experiencing pain, I give mental assent to what the other person feels. If I have sympathy for that pained experience, I take it on myself, much as if the pain is my own.

Self-Care

            Are you involved in caring for others? Are you a parent, a sibling, or otherwise involved with an interpersonal relationship? If you answered “yes” to any of these, a working understanding of self-care is vital. In its most brief form, self-care is taking care of yourself without ignoring care for others. Without self-care we become victims of care burn-out. Sure, this happens more with professional care-givers; the rest of us are not immune to the problem however.

            Recently a number of articles have appeared which discredit the idea of self-care. The theme generally revolves around the idea that self-care equates to self-centeredness. I want to rebut that thought by turning to the airline industry for a supporting example. We’ve all seen those yellow cups attached to a hose that drop down from overhead on airplanes, right? That device delivers air to us if cabin pressure fails. Have you ever read the small print related to that device? A summary would be, if you’re a parent traveling with small children, put the device over your own face before taking care of others. Why? Do the airlines think you’re selfish? No; they understand that if you go without air, you won’t be able to help your child. The same applies to self-care in a different setting. If I become unable to help my dependants, they will go without the help they require.

            In some contexts, self-care, self-pity, and self-indulgence have become tangled. The thought that self-care might have a good, positive, sense seems to have been lost. To be clear, I am not suggesting that we replace care for others with a selfish focus on our own benefit. Do not confuse the work of proper care for ourselves with engaging in luxuries of time, products, or thought.

            The daily stresses associated with compassionate, caring, help for others takes a toll on our physical, mental, and emotional health. To off-set that toll, we need to be engaged in some one or more of the following activities.

            Physical activity, as complex as a dance routine or as simple as a walk, the long way around, to get to the car. This might be joining a sports team or stretching by yourself.

            Good nutrition, I don’t know about anyone else, yet I can attest that after a long day of looking after others, it’s easy to grab something quick and easy to eat, rather than healthy food.

            Mental health; don’t allow “should” to control your life. You may think you should do that extra favor for a friend, yet saying “no” every once in a while may help your ability to perform essential tasks more effectively.

            Expectations; don’t let other people trap you with their expectations for your life. Keep appropriate boundaries and establish reasonable expectations. Our schedule may bend, our abilities may be stretched, and at the same time we are not broken, our schedule is not over-run, and our health is maintained. None of this equates with overindulgence (which isn’t effective anyway).

            Don’t isolate; keep relationships active, laugh every day, especially when life gets serious.

            Be creative; engage in something you haven’t done since you were a child. What have you been putting off “for just the right time?”

            Spiritual self-care; you know your religious practices, you understand what you gain from them. Spend time each day in those activities that bring focus to your spiritual self. Read sacred literature; pray; give significant (as in deep) thought to some aspect of your spiritual life that you want to reinforce. Adjust your faith walk to the demands and stresses of the day. Talk about your faith with a close friend. You don’t have to be religious to practice spirituality. Researchers have demonstrated that when we engage in some form of spiritual activity, we experience lowered life stress.

            Sleep; do not ignore this! We may have differing demands as to how many hours of sleep we need, yet our bodies all demand rest times to rebuild and recover from the wear and tear of our daily efforts.

            Water; too often we ignore drinking water. Hydrate your body; keep a bottle or glass of water close at hand as a reminder to drink plenty of water each day.