Miss Cindy's Big Heart

The Christmas Show is this weekend. Actually, it is The Concord Dance Academy’s Annual Holiday Spectacular. It has been part of our life here in my home since Molly and Gracie were three and five. While Molly will remain a 7th grader forever, Gracie is a senior in high school now and dancing in her final Holiday Production. This event, for me has always signaled the official start of the Christmas season. This will be show number three with out Molly. Easier and more difficult at the same time.

Cindy Flanagan is a force. Unafraid to speak her mind, competent, talented, she is a community builder. This weekend long event is all about giving back to the community in which she grew her wings and planted her roots. Food and toy donations get you a free picture with Santa. (The actual Santa, not the mall kind according to young Molly) Holiday baskets are raffled to raise money for “The Friends of the Audi” and food and toys are given to those in need. While Cindy’s CDA recitals are far too big for the City Auditorium she recognizes its importance and relevance in our community and so she supports it. Outwardly tough, Cindy Flanagan has a big tender heart.

In the days after we found out Molly would not be waking up Cindy and several CDA teachers and staff came to say goodbye. Molly was so vibrant and alive that it was hard to look at her lying so still and not think she would just open her eyes. At Cindy's second visit we decided Molly’s Memorial Service would be a show. MollyB The Musical was performed in front of a packed house at The Capital Center for the Arts on May 23rd, 2016. I am sure many of you were there. What you may not know is how integral Cindy Flanagan was in making Molly’s show a success. She sat back stage, headphones on calling every lighting and background change. She hand wrote more than fifty pages of these calls. Carl Smith recorded the opening and closing remarks and managed all of the music. John Gfroerer made a heart stopping video. Steve Martin organized his CCA staff. Molly’s friend Teylor Greene’s dad catered the event from “The Olive Garden” restaurants in Concord, Manchester and Nashua. Over 100 middle and high school aged children performed in the face of remarkable trauma and grief. For my whole life I will thank Cindy for this show. Her connections at the CCA and in our community were never more evident than they were on this night.

The Christmas Show is another example of Cindy’s tender heart. Hours and hours of preparation for not a penny of personal financial gain. Concord Dance Academy is a well-oiled machine and while the final product will look seamless, the back work to make this happen is significant. As I write this on Tuesday night, Gracie is at the Audi for the first on-stage rehearsal. When I had a question for Cindy last night she responded from The Audi where she was working with Seth Head, the lighting technician. Seth is a former student of mine, his mother was the costumer for last summer's Mary Poppins and some of Molly and Gracie’s plays, and his dad built my upstairs bathroom the summer after Molly was born. Community. We are all connected, in our happiness and our sorrow. In out love for the Lord and in our Atheism. I am afraid to contemplate next year’s Holiday Show. I should have two more of these shows to be a part of. Gracie will be in college and Molly will be…well..in heaven.

We avoided most of the Christmas Show in 2016. Gracie is Mother Ginger. That was all we did that year. Last year we provided a “Molly Basket” for the raffle. We are putting it together again. A "Vera Bradley" Bag filled with all things Molly. This is our way of keeping her a part of our lives and a part of the show. One of Molly’s best dance friends, Peyton Shaw, won that first basket. The series of events that led to Peyton even being at the show were far too amazing to be coincidence. Molly wanted Peyton to have that basket. There are several amazing baskets that are raffled off as well as a 50/50. It is all such a festive production. I was a room mother when the girls were little so I didn’t see much of the shows back then. We had good times underneath the stage. I have hundreds of pictures. Those big girls from 2006 are thirty years old now with babies of their own. It is overwhelming to think about.

This Saturday at 1:00 and 6:00 and Sunday at 1:00 the students at Concord Dance Academy will celebrate the beginning of the holiday season as well as their community. Recreational and competitive level dancers alike will entertain their Grammys and Grampys. Future dancers will fall in love with dance. Mothers and fathers will volunteer their time and Cindy, in the midst of it all, dressed in black, will orchestrate the whole thing. Hilary and Meredith, Jenn, Anna and Maria will all lead their charges. We, the audience will feel the tremendous love and energy this type of event creates.

Molly’s last Holiday Spectacular was 2015. The fire alarm went off during the Sunday performance. It was 50 degrees outside. Gracie had invited her English teacher, Heidi Crumrine and her three daughters to come see the show. Zoe Crumrine will be performing in this year’s show. She was Gracie’s “little sister” last year. Community. Zoe fell in love with dance that day. She is a joy to watch. I have all of the Santa pictures from all of the years. Molly’s last picture was a struggle. The girls, getting older and were impatient with my desire for this photo. I remember glibly telling them that they would appreciate these pictures one day. I am looking at that 2015 photo right now. It is on my fridge. It has been there for almost three years.

I have found tremendous blessing in my new “with out Molly” life. I also struggle to be okay every day. When Cindy asked Gracie to be Mother Ginger in 2015 Molly’s first reaction was to say “I’ll be the next one right??” Sometimes it was all about Molly. I remember standing on the stage at MollyB the Musical, talking to the full house and looking to my right. Cindy, sitting in the chair, notebook in hand, shattered heart on her sleeve, in the middle of recital season… calling the show. We locked eyes for a moment. So many words in a split second glance. I will keep this moment close for all of my days.

The Holiday Spectacular, our final one with an alive dancer, will take place this weekend. A perfect Mommy daughter (or better yet) Daddy daughter date, Snacks, Santa, Christmas dances, and prizes. I will do my best to be okay, I will usher and sell raffle tickets. I will wear sparkly clothing and a Santa Headband that was Molly’s. I will be obnoxiously loud when Gracie is on stage. I will give the Molly Basket to some very lucky person. Come to the Audi, enjoy the energy, watch the children perform their gleeful dances. Support your community. You will be glad you did. And should you bump into Cindy, please tell her Barb says thank you.