My March Madness Day One

My March Madness 2019

Day 1

Several years ago, I did my first Paleo Challenge. I wanted to perform a CrossFit Benchmark Workout called “Grace” at the prescribed weight. The workout is 30 Clean and Jerks for time at a weight of 95 pounds. At the start of the challenge my best single clean and jerk was 75 pounds. It was a stretch but I was determined. At the end of that month-long challenge I did indeed perform the workout at the prescribed weight. It wasn’t pretty and it took me almost nine minutes. But I did it. I am doing another 30-day challenge and again my goal is to perform “Grace”, but this workout does not involve a barbell or weights. The Grace I am looking to perform this time around is more a “State of Grace”. I am in a life place where not much is with in my control and as I have begun to navigate a spiritual journey, I find balancing my grief over Molly’s death, my fear over my current brain tumor situation and my anxiety over Kenny’s kidney health interferes with what should be my most important feelings… support and encouragement for my daughter…who’s name just happens to be Grace. So, this month my diet, workouts and spiritual practice will be to perform Grace… on a daily basis.

Kenny and Gracie will join in on the health quest. Gracie is in the midst of her dance competition season and solid nutrition will only provide her with more energy and confidence. Kenny has two live donors working to see if they can be a match and give him life. This transplant process is incredibly humbling and full of conflict. Since Molly’s death our life has been one of conflict. Living in the past is the only way, at the moment we feel able to keep Molly with us. The future is far too daunting to contemplate in any meaningful way, because there is no Molly in it. Finally, living in the moment can be painful and lonely. Life on a transplant list is just the same. Kenny’s life depends either on the death of another human being, or the completely selfless act of another human being. Hoping for a kidney can feel unkind. How do you say in your head…” maybe today is the day someone will die and Kenny can have a kidney” and feel okay about that? Putting on a happy face and living life is very different than it was prior to 2016.

This month I will do some sort of meditation and workout each day. Not one to sit still, I tend to meditate best when I’m working out. Running was my prayer time back in the day. Now it is the rower. Swimming has been good for me as well. Part of my surgery recovery was to do nothing strenuous for four weeks. Now that I am seven weeks out and entering into radiation treatments being fit physically is of utmost importance. My diet will follow the Paleo theme, so essentially all-natural foods. Nothing processed, no sugar, no dairy, healthy protein and lots of water. All the veggies I want and some fruit to go along! The key to a healthy Paleo program is nutrient dense foods. If your food is nutritious your hunger is satiated much earlier than when you are consuming junk food. Listening to your body and learning how to listen to it. I have spent the last two years ignoring most of my feelings both physically and emotionally. I am finally medication free, having weaned off the anxiety medication and the anti-seizure medication used to treat my trigeminal neuralgia. My biggest apprehension regarding the month of March do not center around my ability to keep to the program, it will be sleep.

Kenny will follow his kidney diet rigidly. He will have a rough go of it as first (I think) because four of his favorite foods, cheese, olives crackers and dill pickles are on the banned list. I also know that he will feel much better quickly. He can not eat large quantities in one sitting and he has to avoid potassium, phosphorus and sodium rich foods. As healthy as oranges are, Kenny is banned from eating them. In preparation for March Madness we scoured the internet for kidney healthy foods. A key to making this work will be food preparation together and finding ways to incorporate out different nutritional needs into one meal. For activity Kenny will need to keep it easy. Remembering to do it will be the challenge for him.

Gracie will primarily eliminate the processed food snacks. Since we won’t be buying chips or cookies and will be making large salads on the daily this will be easier on her. She is already a good water drinker and tries everyday to make healthy choices in all areas of her life. Crossfit and Dance keep Gracie active six days a week, she needs no improvement here, except perhaps mobility work.

March 31st will arrive all to quickly and the first day of April will arrive… Molly’s 16th birthday, and third birthday in heaven. Oops! There I go again, anticipating with sadness and anxiety something in the future. I think I’ll finish my afternoon protein shake and get some chores done. Until tomorrow!!