Health & Fitness
The Cancer Recovery Journey
Sounds depressing doesn't it, then come the little bits of light, the fairies bringing love, hugs, and comfort. Sometimes it is a moment that I have just started to experience recently, moments without pain.
Today I am 8 months and 13 days cancer free. I am 10 months and 13 days into this journey. I am still smiling and laughing with family and friends, which means I am winning. I remember when the doctors said this would be at least a years journey, I didn't believe them. I thought I was stronger than that. I was not wrong, I just didn't have all the information. Complications are not anywhere in your mind when all you can think about is getting it out. Now I can look back but I try not too. No amount of "if I had known" or "wishful thinking" will change what has happened and what is happening now.
Sounds depressing doesn't it, then come the little bits of light, the fairies bringing love, hugs, and comfort. Sometimes it is a moment that I have just started to experience recently, moments without pain. They don't seem to last long and it takes a lot to get there, but it brings a relief that I can't explain. It is as if you were holding your breath for far to long, and now you can finally exhale. I treasure those moments, and try to not move so it will last as long as possible. When the pain, burning, and stabs start back up again, I rest again and hope.
The scary issue is it doesn't take much to set off extreme muscle spasms recently having one land me in the emergency department. It feels like a 200lb weight has been placed on my chest. At it's worst my heart rate goes to 150 and I can't speak. It causes a lot of pain in my chest and abdomen. The thing is every time it is so bad that we have to take me in to break it, they do a cardiac work up and a pulmonary embolism work up and scan after scan I will glow in the dark soon. All this crap I take and things I do to try to keep the cancer from coming back, but all the scans are putting me at risk for other cancers. It is like trading one evil for an other one you hope will not be as bad as the first.
No one knows where everything will end up, being a rare case means a lot of uncharted ground for some of my providers. I did finally meet a survivor who had similar surgical complications, and issues with the reconstruction not healing correctly. She had hers in 2011 and still gets short of breath. I am going to pray I find the way to overcome this. Your prayers, stirrings, positive thoughts, and friendship are very much appreciated.
