Patton: We're Going to the Dogs

For better or for worse, the world seems to be going to the dogs. Several generations ago, dogs were relegated to the, well, dog house. We were more emotionally detached from them . They lived outside in dog houses and had descriptive names like Digger, Hunter, Shadow, and King, Then, our hearts got the best of us, and we decided that our dogs should be part of our families, so we moved them inside and gave them human names like Molly, Charlie, Lucy, Jack, Sophie, Ginger and Toby.

And dogs started getting better foods. Instead of table scraps and dry dog food (or you go hungry), whole aisles in supermarkets became devoted to lavishing upon our pets, foods that tasted good or were healthy for them or cleaned their teeth or made their coats lustrous or sweetened their breath (please!). And dogs started getting medical treatment for conditions like cancer that had previously been reserved for humans. And those treatments were often more than a little costly, running into hundreds of dollars. Gone were the days when I took the dog to the vet and walked out with an $8 bill.

Well, the question is “Are dogs worth it?” That’s a stupid question in a way. Owners are so emotionally attached to their dogs that the likelihood of them saying “no” is virtually zero. “Sure, Charlie costs me hundreds of dollars a year for kennel charges and medical bills and fancy food. Sure I have to walk Charlie at night in freezing weather and during blizzards. But, you know, Charlie’s a good boy. You’re a good boy, aren’t you Charlie. Yes, yes, yes, you’re a good boy. Roll over and I’ll scratch your tummy.”

You get my point. Get an owner to say Charlie isn’t worth it? I think not. Still and all, there’s some hard evidence, apart from our uncontrollable infatuation with dogs, that they are worth their keep. According to NECN (11/18/2014) a woman in Greenland, NH was saved by her Chesapeake Bay Retriever during a 10-minute attack by a coyote. She was walking with her dog Mack in her backyard when the coyote attacked, leaving her dog with bites on his hind legs, puncture wounds on his back, and a sliced ear. The woman sustained a bite on her hand. Both the woman and her defender, the dog, recovered.

Coyotes are moving closer and closer to human dwellings, so, in fairness to them, I should point out that this attack on a human was quite unusual. (New Hampshire Fish and Game Lt. Michael) “Eastman said, ‘This is more indicative of a diseased animal. They don’t hang around, they don’t like to be around human beings so something is very wrong with this coyote.’”

Here’s another way dogs can be beneficial to humans. It’s either good news or bad news depending upon how you feel about dogs licking your face. Melanie writes in Dogster (1/2/2014), “A study on human and dog interaction is demonstrating that despite their penchant for sniffing and eating all sorts of unsavory things, dogs may be making you healthier with probiotic kisses. So put down the yogurt and give your dog a smooch!”

Probiotics like yogurt restore beneficial bacteria to your body. Your dog’s saliva is possibly a probiotic. According to Melanie, “We know already that children who grow up with dogs tend to be healthier than kids who don’t .They suffer fewer respiratory and ear infections, and see a decreased likelihood of having asthma and allergies. Our immune systems are fortified by exposure to small amounts of bacteria that it learns to fight off. Routine exposure to dog germs make kids immune to them.”

Of course, there’s always that bad boy dog who sullies canines’ otherwise good reputation. According to the Inquisiitr web site (12/14/2014), “Nobody is really sure how Cooper, a 4-year-old bulldog who went missing from his Naples, Florida home nine months ago, wound up in Salem, New Hampshire 1500 miles away. Or how he survived the journey well-fed and uninjured.”

However, I can well imagine why Cooper left. A departure nine months ago, places Cooper’s exodus smack dab in the middle of a Florida summer. Have you experienced a sweltering Florida summer? Smart boy, Cooper, to come north to cool and comfortable New Hampshire. (Now, roll over and I’ll rub your tummy.) Even more impressive was Cooper’s way of getting back to Florida to avoid the worst New Hampshire winter in years. He wandered the streets of Salem until a passerby picked him up and took him to the police station. The officers noticed a microchip which listed his owner’s name and phone number in Naples, Florida.

Cooper’s going back to Florida in style. You might think that, being a dog, he would want to go on a Greyhound Bus (yuck, yuck), but, even better, Kindred Hearts Transport, a network of volunteers that helps transport lost pets, is driving him to Florida. Of course, Cooper could always pay the drivers back for their kindness by licking them repeatedly in the face to give them a healthy dose of probiotics. “Good boy, Cooper. Good boy.”

Gary Patton is the author of “Outtastatahs: Newcomers’ Adventures in New Hampshire.” “Outtastatahs” is available on Amazon.com and at local bookstores in Concord, Portsmouth, Exeter, and Hampton, Patton’s second book, a political satire entitled, “Selling Mt. Washington,” will be available this summer.