The Dangers of Unbridled Rationality

            Although it’s been easy to miss in the fog of the Republican presidential nomination process, an important battle is raging in the great Granite State.  Representative Marilinda Garcia has cosponsored a bill to expedite the opening of a medical care facility exclusively focused on cancer.

            To me, it seems inconceivable there would be opposition to such a facility.  If I had cancer, which statistics say I have a pretty good chance of developing, I’d want facilities lined up along I-93 ready to help me beat the dreaded disease in any way they could.  But this is why I am still only a Historian-In-Training.  One of the obstacles to my ascendance to the honored position of Historian is that I still am afflicted with a pesky inclination toward rationality.

            It has been carefully explained to me that this bill is an impossibility because of something called a Certificate of Need.  I fear Representative Garcia may be afflicted with the same pesky inclination toward rationality, but I hesitate to make the accusation for fear it might ruin her career in government.

            The Certificate of Need is supposed to insure there is a “need” for any medical facility wanting to locate in our state.  I can certainly see the problem caused by companies eager to build a horrendously expensive facility and hire hundreds of high paid employees, in a location with absolutely no patients who would like their services.  Surely we need to be protected from such folly instigated by legislators like Marilinda Garcia.  What was she thinking?

            I can only imagine she was unduly influenced by a short trip to Georgia and a lunch from the hospital cafeteria.  Who indeed could have resisted such largess?

            I wonder if there is a similar litmus test for doctors.  It took me two months to get an appointment with a General Practitioner in Windham.  Perhaps we could have a reverse Certificate of Need that required doctors to locate in New Hampshire because we need them; but I digress.

            This all puts me in mind of a similar situation in the Republic of Proposdeverite, located just south of the Malkins.  They had a comparable process which they called the Certificate of Greed.  Although it was applied to many different businesses, the main target was gas stations.  A board of citizens and employees who worked in the gas station industry was charged by the government with deciding how many gas stations the republic needed.  Oddly enough, the number of gas stations began to decline until there was only one left.

            Although the lines were unbelievable, there was no question the board had done its job.  There were definitely not too many gas stations in the republic.

            Although I will probably succumb to the disease before the cancer facility is opened, I can take solace in the fact that the Certificate of Need Board did its civic duty and limited my treatment options.  Representative Marilinda Garcia, and other misguided legislators will have to live with their cafeteria-induced attempt to bring jobs, tax revenue and treatment options to our State.  It’s clear this outbreak of rationality should not be tolerated.

            It’s all very confusing to me.  Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be an official Historian.