Frank Advice: Barely Making It, But Wanting to Remain Positive

This is my first edition of “Frank Advice,” a new advice column for Patch. I welcome e-mails to frankadvice1@gmail.com.” Send me your conundrums and problems with relationships, ethical issues, even “life questions.” No names or e-mail addresses will be shared.

Dear Frank,

I'm doing contract work now, but I have been without full-time work for 20 months. It's rough in terms of trying to date, trying to stay focused and trying to move forward with life. I want to stay positive, but it's hard. I feel like I'm falling into a funk. What should I do?

Barely Making It.

Dear Barely,

First let me say that I give you much credit for recognizing your need to stay focused, and to maintain your social life; that's half the battle right there. When life deals a bad hand -- as it inevitably does to all of us, at least a few times -- the natural response is to retreat inside oneself. There is certainly something to be said for introspection, but too much of it can blind you to great opportunities and resources that can help strengthen you.

I think a great way to keep yourself positive is to look for meaning and purpose in the work you do. What you do may not be exactly your ideal, but ask yourself: How does my job serve others? Do I help people and better their lives? What kind of connections am I making with people through my work? You don't even have to go that far ; your purpose can be as simple as, "By working this job, I am supporting myself and my family." Your survival, and that of your loved ones, is probably the most basic reason you can imagine, but it's still meaningful and purposeful! 

A must not just for you but for everyone is self-care -- promoting and maintaining your own well-being physically, mentally, socially and spiritually. When you're dealing with the stresses that uncertainty, your work or the thousands of other things that make up life produce, it's easy to forget that we need to take care of ourselves. Counselors and other helping professionals value self-care so highly that it is incorporated into many of their codes of ethics; I think that many other fields and professions could learn from that. But we can't wait for that to happen. You need to take responsibility for your own well-being -- managing your stress, doing the things that make you happy and saying "no" to requests or demands when you're overwhelmed.

As far as dating: Just be yourself, the way you are, right at this moment. Every date, or every person you date, opens a possibility for a long-term relationship or marriage; that means you'd better start being yourself right from the first date. If you're not flush with cash at the moment, so be it. That doesn't mean it will always be that way. Anyway, the things that truly matter in a relationship -- love, trust, compassion and respect are only a few essentials that come to mind right now -- are things money can never buy.

Finally, "funks" are a part of life. For the most part, they don't last long. However, if at any time you feel that your "funk" is getting deeper and longer, I encourage you to seek out a helping professional.