Kids Speak Out Against Bullying: What Works, What Doesn't

Since October is National Bullying Prevention Month, I decided to talk to a few middle school kids to get their perspective on the Week of Respect, and the conversations their school has held since the beginning of the year about harassment, intimidation and bullying. They agreed but would only speak to me if they could remain anonymous.   

I asked the kids what they thought of the assemblies that they’ve sat through.  The consensus was it was nothing new. “We’ve heard all this before. They tell us to say something, if we see something,” one kid said. 

According to the kids, in spite of the lectures there are still kids who are picked on in what they would consider bullying or harassing type behavior. When I asked what stopped them from going to guidance about it, they said, “Because it doesn’t do anything.” 

A few told me about persuading another student to talk to guidance about being harassed last year. According to the kids, nothing happened, which felt like a huge betrayal. That also mirrors statistics that show that more than two-thirds of students believe "that schools respond poorly to bullying, with a high percentage of students believing that adult help is infrequent and ineffective."

As one kid eloquently put it, “You can have as many rules as you want, and claim to be serious about them, but if there are no consequences to breaking them, who cares?”  

"So what makes a difference?" I asked these kids. They told me the story of a brave classmate who has been picked on relentlessly by a group of ‘mean kids’ as they put it. This student, having had enough of the snide remarks and mocking, walked up to the lunch table of the mean kids and continued to loudly tell them their behavior would no longer be tolerated. She would no longer say nothing when they made fun of her, or when she was being harassed by them. 

This loud declaration resulted in some of these kids claiming that they weren’t picking on her, but according to the kids, she stood her ground, refusing to be cowed by them. Remarkably, a few of these kids apologized and said they would no longer engage in that behavior. One reportedly told her, “I don’t know what I can do except apologize.”  To which they say the girl responded, “You can stop. Then maybe I’ll believe you’re really sorry.”

These kids told me that this student did something that they would be too scared to do, they called her "brave" and "strong." Really what this child did was to refuse to behave like a victim. By making a scene and calling these kids out on their behavior, this girl made it inconvenient for them to pick on her any longer.  

I asked why she never went to the school about what was going on.  “What’s the point?” one said, “It would just get worse.”  I explained to the kids that the new HIB law states that the school has to take action when something is reported, there isn’t an option; they were unaware of this change.

I asked them if they’d be more likely to come forward now that they knew the law had changed. They all hesitated. “You don’t want to be the kid that’s in guidance everyday,” one said. They all had stories about classmates who took offense too easily and "practically lived in the guidance office," as one put it. They all agreed that some people just aren't nice, not everyone is going to be friends and that's just life. 

The case of the bullied classmate last year and the student who made the lunch room scene were different they said.  In their opinion they were clearly being singled out to be ridiculed. Further probing unearthed a broad uneasiness of being labeled a ‘victim' if they stepped forward.  “Being picked on is bad enough,” said one kid.  “It’s embarrassing," said another.   

So if they didn't see going to the school as an option, I asked what would enable them to stand up for themselves? All indicated how important it was to have at least one or two friends they could view as allies who would back them up if they were to call someone out for treating them badly.  As one of the kids said, “One person saying 'stop' isn’t nearly as loud as three."

Related Topics: Parenting and national bullying prevention month