We Clear Our Schedules for a Funeral, But Not For a Cup of Coffee

"Sorry, but I don't have the time for dinner or even a cup of coffee with you next Tuesday, but honestly, if you were to die on Sunday, I am sure that I would drop everything to attend your funeral on Tuesday. So, unfortunately, as long as you are alive on Tuesday, I will have to say no."

Of course no one would ever say these words out loud, and yet sometimes I feel as if we live like this.

One day as I was doing my daily reading of the obituaries, I was struck by the thought that most of the time, we find out about a death and the funeral from reading the paper, or from an e-mail or a phone call. We usually have only a day or two notice, if that. Yet, we respond immediately by clearing our calendars and blackberries planners so that we are available to be there. Nothing seems more important than to attend the funeral, wake or service to show our respect for the person who has died.

I do find it fascinating that we, who are such busy people, living such hectic lives, who pride ourselves on multi-tasking, can drop everything to attend a funeral, yet so long as the person is alive, we decline invitations for lunch or coffee, out of being too busy. "Sorry, I am too busy next week. Perhaps another time." We tend to assume that there will always be a chance for another time.

Being in the field of grief has made me more appreciative of life, and reminds me that each moment is sacred and that the tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. We never really know how much time we have left to spend with our friends and loved ones. That notion motivates me to make people a number one priority. I have learned to drop everything for the important people in my life when asked. I share this idea with people whenever I deliver workshops on grief. Many people thank me for reminding them all how precious life is. Many share that they already made some dates with their friends and loved ones before the workshop was even over. Don't put it off. Make a call today. Even if you can't see the person, you can talk on the phone, write a handwritten note or an email or even video chat.

Douglas C. Smith, an inspirational author and speaker on death and dying, shares a powerful example of this from his own life. Many years ago, he and his younger brother had talked for quite some time about taking a bike trip together out west. They were both in their twenties and both very busy with their careers, so they kept putting it off, although both really wanted to have this great bonding experience. Doug wrote himself a note on his calendar months away, to remind him to call his brother and make the date firm. Well tragically, his brother died a short time later and they never did get to take that trip. Doug was devastated but weeks later decided to make meaning out of his tragedy. Doug keeps that laminated calendar page framed on his wall and to this day, years later, reads it as a fierce reminder that life is precious and not to put off spending time with people who we care about. He encourages us to make time for the important people in their lives before it is too late. I thank Doug for that lesson.

I hope each and everyone of you makes some time to spend with someone important in your life this week. Make of list of those who you have been meaning to see but life got in the way. Make a call today. You will be very grateful that you did.

"Enjoy the little things in life for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." ~ Antonio Smith

Please remember to check out my website, www.griefspeaks.com for information, support and resources dealing with grief and loss in the lives of children, teens and adults.

I also have two Facebook pages: Grief Speaks (a page of quotes, resources and inspiration for those who grieve and those who care about grievers) and a brand new one,  Grief Speaks 4 Teens (real teens share about their feelings, thoughts and concerns about grief, loss and other tough stuff).

Books by Douglas C. Smith:  Caregiving: Hospice-Proven Techniques for Healing Body and Soul; Being a Wounded Healer.

Take care of yourself,

Lisa