Your Words Are Everything - Choose Wisely

Your choice of words is critical in every aspect of life. In both personal and professional situations your words are a reflection of you.  Whether discussing an issue with a friend, to the words you choose for your resume, to the words you choose on the job, your word choice is just that, YOUR choice.  In your personal life, hopefully you will be given a little more leeway by friends and family, but at work that may not be the case.  If you let your emotions get the better of you, you may not have an opportunity to set the record straight. There are four typical interactions you may face at work and for each of these there are two ways to handle the situation.

1.        Interacting with your manager - No matter what your mood is, you should always handle yourself in a professional manner. Yes, of course there is time to talk personally, joke around if you are lucky enough to have a boss that enjoys that, or have a chat, but when it comes to professional matters you must handle yourself appropriately, and that means choosing the right words.  Example:  You thought that the big account that just came into the company would be yours, but you were wrong. It was given to someone that you view as a weak salesperson and employee.   

* Bad choice of words: “Why on earth would you give that idiot the job? I’m so much better than he is.”  Now that may seem a little extreme but when emotions run high, sometimes words come pouring out, and not the best words. If you react in this way, your manager may be concerned about your temper in general, and may have reservations assigning you to certain accounts in the future for fear that you may have a reaction like this with a customer.             

* Instead try this:  “OK, may I ask why I wasn’t considered for this opportunity?”  By handling the matter this way, you may gain some perspective and the reason may make sense. Maybe your manager knows about something in the pipe line coming to you which wouldn’t allow you to have time to work on this account as well.  You will only gain this understanding by approaching the situation with the right words in the right manner.

2.        Interacting with a subordinate – It is crucial to speak to your employees in the same way you would want to be treated, which also means choosing your words wisely. Example:  Your employee makes a mistake which will cost the company money.                                                                                                  

* Bad choice of words: “What is wrong with you? Do you know how much money you lost for the company?  I should have known better than to assign this project to you!”   What will this kind of reaction do to that employee?  He will feel defensive and certainly feel distanced from you. He may fear losing his job, and as a result not be completely up front, or be able to fully explain what happened. This method is of no use to anyone, and in the end, you may not be able to fully repair the relationship if you approach your employee in that manner.                                                                                                     

* Instead try this:  Take some deep breaths and choose your words and tone wisely. “Let’s talk about what happened here. Do you know what led to this issue?”  Maybe the mistake was because proper direction wasn’t given, maybe the mistake was because of a technical glitch or maybe the mistake was just that, an error. We all make them.  Approach with kindness so the employee feels free to give a full explanation, and learn from the mistake, while still feeling loyalty to you as an understanding boss.  

3.        Interacting with colleagues – On the job we have differing opinions from time to time, but it is imperative to treat our colleagues with mutual respect. Example: Your colleague was supposed to have his part of the presentation done by today, but it’s not done.                                                                  

* Bad choice of words: “What is wrong with you? You knew you had to have that part of the presentation done before I could do the rest. I’m going to tell Jim (the boss) what’s going on and he can figure out what to do next.”  No, No, No!   When you talk to a colleague in that manner not only do you alienate that person, but you build a reputation for yourself of being a difficult person.  And ultimately you are no closer to completing the project.                           

*Instead try this: “OK, did something come up? Is there something you need help with?”  By doing this you demonstrate you are a team player.  Maybe there is some technical issue your colleague couldn’t’ get past, maybe a personal issue came up (they come up for all of us), and the reasons go on and on.  Ultimately work together to get the job done.  The appreciation this person will feel will stretch for miles.

4         Interacting with customers/clients – Without customers and clients we would not have a successful company, and while some customers may be difficult we have to always keep in mind that they allow us to even be in business.                                                                                             Example: A client comes to you and says he needs you to have the project done 5 days ahead of schedule. He admits to his mistake, that he gave you the wrong date, but ultimately this is what he wants.                                          

* Bad choice of words: “No chance, this is the date we agreed to. We have a contract.” Well, while you may be right, you certainly won’t get any more business from this person or anyone else he knows.  A bad review spreads like wildfire.                                                                                                     

* Instead try this: “I understand. My issue is this, I have dedicated resources to this project and while we may be able to finish it a bit before schedule, I’m not sure it can come in at 5 days before the date we agreed to. Do you have any flexibility on that new date?”  Many times the client may be able to compromise, and you haven’t lost a client.

At work, at home, with friends, with family, the words we choose are, for better or worse, a reflection of who we are.  While that is not always the case, it does remain a fact. We are judged, many times, by our words.  So the next time you are ready to react, take a deep breath, think again and think how the words you choose will impact the situation and ultimately you.  And if by chance your words get away from you, step back, apologize and do your best to move on paying careful attention to the words you choose in the future.