Father's Faithfulness

Father’s Faithfulness

Deuteronomy 32:6-14a    John 12:44-50        A fascinating story comes out of the 1989 earthquake, which almost flattened Armenia. This deadly tremor killed over 30,000 people in less than four minutes. In the midst of all the confusion of the earthquake, a father rushed to his son's school. When he arrived there he discovered the building was flat as a pancake.

Standing there looking at what was left of the school, the father remembered a promise he made to his son, "No matter what, I'll always be there for you!" Tears began to fill his eyes. It looked like a hopeless situation, but he could not take his mind off his promise.

Remembering that his son's classroom was in the back right corner of the building, the father rushed there and started digging through the rubble. As he was digging other grieving parents arrived, clutching their hearts, saying: "My son! "My daughter!" They tried to pull him off of what was left of the school saying: "It's too late!" "They're dead!" "You can't help!" "Go home!" Even a police officer and a fire-fighter told him he should go home. To everyone who tried to stop him he said, "Are you going to help me now?" They did not answer him and he continued digging for his son stone by stone.

He needed to know for himself: "Is my boy alive or is he dead?" This man dug for eight hours and then twelve and then twenty-four and then thirty-six. Finally in the thirty-eighth hour, as he pulled back a boulder, he heard his son's voice. He screamed his son's name, "ARMAND!" and a voice answered him, "Dad?" It's me Dad!" Then the boy added these priceless words, "I told the other kids not to worry. I told 'em that if you were alive, you'd save me and when you saved me, they'd be saved. You promised that, Dad. 'No matter what,' you said, 'I'll always be there for you!' And here you are Dad. You kept your promise!"

Dads keep promises.  Parents who have deep love and heart connections with their children, keep promises because those are non-negotiable.  They are set in stone.  Being faithful, being dependable, being there for your children is who are what we are.   Yes, we need to set healthy limits, and not be push-overs or overly pamper our kids; we want our children to be independent, responsible and mature.   But we also need to respond when we are needed.  On this Father’s Day, we affirm that we are connected to those who need us, our hearts are united, and we keep promises to help and love.

This Sunday is not only Father’s Day; it is also Trinity Sunday.  That makes sense in its own way, because the Trinity represents a relationship. It is not about God alone – or individuals alone – against the world.  It is about being united in a network: a family, a community, a social circle, in relationship to others.   Just as God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are one and yet three; so families and communities can be understood as individuals who are also a unified circle of love.   So we keep promises to be there for each other.

God keeps promises.   God doesn’t promise to save us from all pain or natural disasters or sorrow or loss.   But God does promise to love.  God promises to be there and to seek unity, harmony and wholeness.  God heals divisions and trauma and heart-sickness with abiding love and enduring faithfulness.   God will be there – even when others are not.  That is why Jesus describes God as Father, Abba, Dad – as one who loves with faithfulness, courage and absolute devotion.

The Franciscan writer, Richard Rohr, says this about God’s love and our love:

“Love is not something you can buy, nor something you can attain or work up to, because you already have it, it is your deepest identity. It is quite simply the presence of God within you. Our word for that has been the Holy Spirit, uncreated grace, or the divine indwelling. God always loves and is forever united to this love within you. It is this that God sees in you, loves in you, and cannot reject.”   This is how God loves, with unconditional acceptance.  And we can connect to this love within ourselves by trusting in God, by deep prayer and meditation, and by being faithful, true, and accepting to those we love.  

On this Father’s Day we celebrate this love.  This is a day when we honor fathers and their gifts to their children- and those who act like loving fathers – women and men – who shelter, inspire, comfort and nurture those in need.  We give thanks for those in families who are pillars of strength and who are examples of healthy living and loving.  We give thanks for mentors and care-givers, who recognize gifts in children and youth – and who encourage and counsel them to grow in creativity, integrity and respect.  We give thanks for leaders in churches and in communities who offer their time and their dedication to foster stability and growth through faithful service.   We also pray for those who strive to achieve these things, and yet fall short – and we pray for forgiveness, understanding and new chances.

I just ran into an article about ancient Jewish folklore and the Lamed Vov or the 36 Just Men.   They are described by the novelist Steven Billias as:

“those anonymous souls who are so virtuous that they keep the world in balance for the rest of us sinners. In every generation there are said to be thirty-six of these special people, who don’t think of themselves as special and may not even know that they are members of this unique group. It is also said they may not know each other, and that if they are revealed, they cease to be part of the three dozen whose job it is to keep the world from being overcome by evil.”  The article was about this novelist and a film-maker who united to make a film about seeking out the Lamed Vov in our time – striving to discover those who are so good and so just and so rooted in God’s peace that they preserve this world.  Of course, this is not an easy task.  They met some amazing people, but couldn’t prove their holiness.  As Billias describes:  “We found a few potential candidates—an old shoemaker in Northampton, a car mechanic in Gloucester, a young woman doing healing work in Springfield. But the project floundered. It lacked a sense of presence, of energy. Of life.”

So perhaps we must simply trust in the teachings of faith that state over and over again that faithful love and integrity can heal this world.  Do you know someone whom you think might be a Lamed Vov; one of the 36 Just and Righteous who are keeping the world from falling into chaos and evil?   Was there someone in your life – in your family, or school, or church, or community, who was a pillar of strength, a model of goodness, and a guide toward health and sanity? 

That is what we celebrate on this Father’s Day.   I love this view that certain unknown, and humble people are ones who are the pillars that keep this world stable and prosperous.  Without them, things would all fall apart.  Truthfully, within our families, in our communities, our churches and faith communities, our institutions, there are certain people on whom we depend.   Certain people act like keystones in an arch, holding it together.  They remind us over and over again, what is essential, what brings healthy boundaries, caring connections, and moral relationships that sustain society and human dignity. They defend us against giving in to greed, selfishness, rage, chaos and anarchy.   Jesus, of course, is our touchstone in this.  But others can serve as role models also,  beacons of light, foundation stones, paths on which to walk.  We need them to keep the dark at bay and the waters of chaos from overwhelming us.

I ran into an article recently that speaks about how important it is to have examples of faith from a ‘Beliefs’ article in the NY Times by Mark Oppenheimer entitled:  Families & Faith: How Religion is Passed Down Through the Ages.  It is about a researcher and professor named Vern Bengtson.  Oppenheimer writes: 

“Professor Vern Bengston argues that families do a pretty good job of passing religious faith to their children….and parents have as much hold as ever on children’s souls.  ‘Parent-youth similarity in religiosity has not declined over 35 years,’ from 1970-2005, he writes. Denominational loyalty is down – kids feel free to ditch the Baptists for the Presbyterians – but younger generations are no less likely to inherit core beliefs, like biblical literalism, the importance of church attendance or, for that matter, atheism.”   But he writes that much of this depends on a child’s relationship with his or her father. 

 “What is really interesting,” he writes, “is that, for religious transmission, having a close bond with one’s father matters even more than a close relationship with one’s mother.” But this depends on a warm and close relationship with a child.  Over and over in interviews, Professor Bengston said, he found that “a father who is an exemplar, a pillar of the church, but doesn’t provide warmth and affirmation to his kid, does not have kids who follow him in his faith.”  “Without emotional bonding,” these other factors are “not sufficient for transmission,” he writes.   ‘Fervent faith cannot compensate for a distant dad.’   ‘If you talk about church but never go, children sense hypocrisy,’ he said.  But having a father who is both warm and caring, and has a deep faith, then this is key to passing on a strong religious faith to children. 

Professory Bengston shared this story: “I had this great big jovial grandfather, who just exuded warmth….All of his 10 kids followed him in the faith.  And it was true of his father, going back to Sweden, and it was true of my father.  There’s this pattern of paternal warmth that seems to characterize the Bengtston family.”  There is the conclusion that the professor now exemplifies himself: “Don’t give up on the Prodigals” – those who drift away – “because many do return.”  In graduate school and after, Professor Bengtston abandoned his faith. His despairing mother once wrote to him, “Vern, if I have to choose between you and my Jesus, I will choose Jesus.” 

Recently, however, too late for his mother to know, Professor Bengtston has found his way back to the church.  “By golly, I had this religious experience, when I was about 67 years old,” he said, now 72. 

Easter morning of 2009, he woke up and decided to check out “this Gothic-looking church down on State Street” in Santa Barbara. He entered the church a bit late, after the service had started.   “The organ was roaring,” he recalled, the pillars were going up to heaven, the light was sifting down through the stained glass windows. I was just over-whelmed.  I found my way to a pew and started crying…I haven’t been the same since.” 

Professor Bengtston now sings in the church choir.  His return has, he says, made him a better scholar. Parents aren’t just trying to pass on to their children a checklist of beliefs, he said.   They want to pass on, “the kind of passion these parents had for wanting their children to achieve the peace and joy and the hope and the inspiration they had found for themselves.”

On this Father’s Day we cherish those on whom we depend, who want the best for us.   Often they are quiet, unacknowledged, and unappreciated; and yet they hold our lives together, shelter us, and give us the security and resources that allow us to develop and blossom.   Like a great tree with deep roots spreading wide and burying deep, these people shelter us under their love and offer us strength and calm faithfulness on which we can lean. 

This is what fathers, parents do for their families.  This is what church members do; what parents seek, what good people strive to live into, to foster the harmony, joy, and peace of this world intact.  Our calling is to act as Fathers – Mothers, as Parents – as Leaders, who keep this world from falling into chaos.  We become like trees that hold the soil and shelter those in need.  We become pillars that hold up the earth. We become those who keep their promises, who show up when needed. We become the Lamed Vov, the Just, those who protect and care for this earth and its people.   Happy Father’s Day.  Amen.