Lawrence Resident Chris Illuminati Authors 2nd Book

Editor's Note: This story features adult topics and language not meant for younger readers.

In advance of his appearance later this week at the Barnes & Noble in West Windsor, Lawrence Township resident and author Chris Illuminati sat down recently with Lawrenceville Patch – and a sufficient supply of caffeine – to discuss his new book, “A**holeology – The Cheat Sheet.”

Illuminati may be a self-described expert on their ways but by no means is he to be counted among the ranks of the “a**hole” population. It would be more accurate to say the writer has recognized the “inner a-hole” within all of us.

That, perhaps, explains the wide appeal of his previous work, “A**holeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way and Getting Away With It,” and why its sequel was so eagerly anticipated by many.

Having gone on sale last month and available from most bookstores and online dealers, the sequel features the following humorous though decidedly non-PC description on its back cover: “The original taught you what it means to be an a**hole – a cocky bastard who everyone wants to be, or at least wants to be around. The Cheat Sheet teaches you how to take that a-hole knowledge and apply it whenever you want to get whatever you want.”

Illuminati will appear at a book signing scheduled for 7 p.m. Thursday (Feb. 10) at the Barnes & Noble at Princeton MarketFair in the 3500 block of Route 1 in West Windsor. The event is free and open to the public.

Although he was born in Ewing, one road in Lawrence Township has been intertwined with the fate of the 33-year-old Illuminati. And yes, that is his real name. From attending four years at Notre Dame High School to completing four years at Rider University to finally settling down with his wife and young son, Lawrence Road (Route 206) is where he grew up and where he now calls home.

“It’s one of those things where you ‘hate’ home but then you come home and it’s not so bad,” Illuminati said with a laugh.

Lawrence Township’s location between the distinct poles of Trenton and Princeton can be compared to New Jersey falling between Philadelphia and New York City. While there are plenty of citizens of both New Jersey and Lawrence that display pride for their state or town, it is those who feel compelled to strain for identification with more prominent neighbors that Illuminati tends to zero in on.

“I’ve had discussions with people that live in this area. There are people that live in Lawrence that try so hard to make it seem like they live in Princeton. They have a Lawrenceville address but they’re on that part of 206 that borders Princeton so it’s like ‘We live in Princeton.’ No, you don’t. Your postal code says you don’t.”

When asked if he considers himself to be his own target audience, Illuminati readily admits to wanting to entertain himself. But his writing goes beyond that. The male mind is obviously where the focus begins. Illuminati is keen to point out that while men in his own age range might see where he’s coming from, older men should be able to get a good laugh at the fraternal tone of the book.

So does this mean “The Cheat Sheet” is a "No Girls Allowed” affair? The answer is absolutely not. How many ladies gaze on the pages of men’s magazines frowning with amusement or perhaps seeking a peek into the male mind?

“I’m the first to say that anyone expecting a peek into the male mind isn’t going to get much, maybe a 10 second window!” the author chuckled with a healthy dose of self-deprecation – a quality that goes a long way to counter the a**hole image. The fact that he is a stay-at-home dad and is first to own up to his mishaps goes even further to endear him to female reader.

“Their husbands won’t admit when they’re wrong but I will,” Illuminati said.

Illuminati found himself on the path to a**hole authorship after sending a link to his personal blog to the website of three newspapers. He later learned that an administrative assistant had passed his work on to a content manager, who recognized his writing talent.

Illuminati was managing a gym at the time, one of several jobs that paid the bills. Yet that one tiny move led to a string of columns and the eventual attention of Boston-based publisher Adams Media. While luck played a part in his getting his foot in the door, Illuminati is quick to assert this valuable advice of his own:

“If you don’t like what you’re doing, STOP doing it. Go find what you like to do. There’s a way to make money off of it and there’s a way you can get it out to enough people that maybe you can spread the word and something could happen.”

Illuminati’s involvement in the first “A**holeology” book was originally supposed to be limited to a ghost writing job – cleaning up and adding a bit more of a “snarky” feel. The idea came from the publisher who gave Illuminati a mere month to turn in his changes. He ended up contributing enough to earn co-authorship credit. The book proved to be a success and Illuminati was given the chance of writing the sequel solo.

When working on the first book, Illuminati held down a full-time job and cared for his newborn son. It was an overwhelming experience but he succeeded in completing the book because of sheer perseverance and belief in himself.

“If you’re willing to do it for free, eventually someone will be willing to pay you to do it,” he said.

Having already gained a publicist in Elise Brown, Illuminati has only recently taken on a literary agent for future projects. While dabbling in other mediums such as scripts and short plays has allowed the burgeoning creator to flex other creative muscles, the addition of the literary agent is undoubtedly due to plans for future books.

Reflecting on the unique considerations of a 21st century writer, such as search engine optimization and its compulsory inclusion of keywords, Illuminati looked back a bit ruefully.

 “If I knew then what I do now about selling myself [online], things would be a lot different,” he said.