No Child Grieves Alone: The Mission Of A NJ Woman, CNN Hero

MADISON, NJ - CNN Top Ten Hero Mary Robinson was honored for her work bringing free grief counseling to children and was awarded with training and $60,000 dollars to further her cause.

Robinson, who lost her father at the age of 14, founded the Imagine Center to help kids deal with grief. Imagine, based in Mountainside, offers free year-round grief support groups for children age 3-18 who have had a parent or brother or sister die, and for families caring for a family member living with a life-altering physical illness.

Robinson was introduced by Anderson Cooper during the 13th annual CNN Heroes: An All-Star Tribute, which aired live from the American Museum of Natural History in New York City on Dec. 8.

"My dad, Wyatt Cooper, died when I was ten. For a long time I found it difficult to speak about him, to even say his name. Too often we go through grief alone, but Mary Robinson is trying to change that, especially for kids," Cooper said. "Imagine is a place where the language of loss is spoken and understood. It’s a place where children and their parents can speak their loved one’s names, where they don’t have to pretend that everything is ok. They can learn coping skills, and they can see that they are not alone in their pain, none of us has to be alone."

Childhood bereavement is a serious public health issue. The death of a parent or other important person in a child’s life has been noted to be one of the most commonly reported and disruptive Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs.) There are currently over 114,000 NJ youth age 0-18 who are bereaved due to the death of a parent. This doesn’t include the death of a sibling which Imagine also supports along with children and caregivers living with a family member with any life-altering illness.

"We are thrilled but not surprised Mary has been selected," said Imagine Board Chair John Toriello. "Having served on the board since Imagine's inception in 2011, I know Mary is an outstanding and dedicated leader who makes and has made an enormous contribution in helping grieving children and families. We are very proud of her."

Currently, over 425 children and adults meet every two weeks at Imagine in their free, year-round grief support groups in Mountainside and Newark. The impact on children’s lives of participating in Imagine grief support programs is immense. At Imagine children and adults make life-long friends, develop healthy coping skills and grow more resilient, officials said. By working to eradicate the potential negative effects of unresolved grief and creating communities well equipped to cope with loss, it is Imagine’s expectation that grieving children everywhere will grow up to be emotionally healthy and able to lead meaningful and productive lives.

One Family's Experience

Casey Holstein and his family might be in a very different place if not for Robinson.

Holstein's wife, Robin died of breast cancer in 2007. The loss was devastating for him and their daughters, Charli and Lia. Charli was 11 when her mother died, and Lia was 9.

To help him and his daughters cope with the loss, Holstein went to Good Grief, a counseling center in Summit Mary Robinson founded in 2003.

"It was instrumental in carving a path of survival for my family," Holstein said. "When tragedies like this occur, people often feel they are the only ones who are going through it. It afforded us the chance to see that we were not the only ones going through what we went through."

"Loss is a part of life, but nobody teaches us what do you do when you have all these feelings," Robinson told CNN. "My goal is to help kids develop coping tools and creative supportive communities that can support anybody who is grieving."

At Imagine, Robinson helps children to express their emotions in healthy ways in the "Volcano Room," a place where they are free to scream, punch pillows, and rip books.

Holstein and his daughters went to Robinson's first counseling center, Good Grief, for three years.

"The kids were angry because they felt ripped off that they had lost their mom," Holstein said. "The group helped us build the skills to get through it all, and gave us a network of families going through the same thing.

"The kids could see others living the same nightmare and Mary brought peace and calm to a turbulent, emotional time," Holstein said.

Holstein, Charli, and Lia spoke about their loss on a 2010 Sesame Workshop special "When Families Grieve."

The experience of being helped the way he was made Holstein want to pay it forward. Holstein changed careers from helping lawyers process lawsuits to founding SYNERGY HomeCare of Metro NJ 18 months after his wife died. The caregiver service helps the elderly live comfortably as they get older.

"Mary's support group gave me the ability to truly listen and have compassion for people grieving the loss of a loved one," Holstein said. "Whether it's a senior whose spouse is sick or dying or drifting away in dementia, I understand the pain."

Holstein's children are thriving too. Charli is a junior at Tulane University studying international development and public health. Lia is a freshman at the University of Wisconsin studying communications.

"They are well-adjusted kids, and I think had we not gone down this road, they would have been self-destructive and angry," Holstein said. "And angry people do stupid things."

More Work To Do

In addition, as part of the award package, Robinson and a member of her board will also participate in a customized version of the Annenberg Alchemy program, which offers leadership development that will help strengthen Imagine for long-term success. Alchemy is offered through the Annenberg Foundation, a leading supporter of nonprofits worldwide.

“Our hope is that through this recognition more children and teens will get support, know their loss matters, and feel less alone in their grief,” said Robinson. “The spotlight shown on our mission by CNN and the training from the Annenberg Foundation will be invaluable in helping us achieve our goal that some day no child will grieve alone. I believe this is now possible to achieve in my lifetime.”

Robinson said this award means we are able to shine an even bigger spotlight on the mission of supporting children, teens, young adults, and their families, who are coping with loss due to death or illness.

"In NJ alone there are currently over 114,000 bereaved youth who have had a parent die. Nationally the number is over 4.9 million. At Imagine over 430 children and adults from 59 towns across New Jersey attend our support groups every two weeks in Mountainside and Newark," Robinson said. "However, serving 430 people at our centers is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of youth needing support. Therefore, our mission also includes a focus on education, to make sure wherever a grieving child or teen turns in their life, there is an adult who pays attention and understands the need to provide support and to listen. Our goal is to create grief-informed communities, school districts, agencies, workplaces, and neighborhoods in New Jersey and nationally."

Those interested in supporting this work can donate on CNNHeroes.com. The $10,000 award, Subaru’s matching gift of $50,000, and site donations, Robinson will use the funds to expand services in the Mountainside and Newark locations.

For more information contact Imagine at 908-264-3100 or info@imaginenj.org.

This post contains reporting by Dan Hubbard.

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