3 Tips for Parenting a Gifted Child or Highly Able Child

 A gifted or highly able child at home can bring absolute joy and absolute heart ache. Typically, highly able children are very successful and display skills and talents often well beyond their years. Coupled with success and achievement, however, comes a heightened emotional intensity, a leaning towards perfectionism, occasional underachievement, possible friendship difficulties, and a will and determination that makes parenting a never-ending challenge.

COPING WITH EMOTIONAL INTENSITY:

The emotional intensities experienced by gifted children often cause great pain and distress to the child. Not only is the distress difficult to manage, but the child’s intense reactions are often misunderstood, ridiculed or criticized. Home becomes a haven – one place in which your child is truly understood. Recognise that your child’s intense feelings (no matter how unusual or unexpected) are real for them and need to be validated. Acknowledge how they feel and what they are concerned about, and work together to come up with strategies to help cope with and tolerate lights, sounds, frustrations, injustices or anxieties.

MANAGING PERFECTIONISM & UNDERACHIEVEMENT:

Bright children place high expectations upon themselves (and others!). Often the high demands they place upon themselves can lead to perfectionism, exhaustion, fear of failure and occasionally underachievement. Whilst highly able children are certainly capable of, and expect to do well, we need to support them by:

-       helping them learn to set realistic expectations for themselves

-       giving them permission to be “less than perfect” occasionally

-       ensuring that they have the opportunity to learn ‘how to learn’

-       helping to develop skills in time management, prioritizing and study techniques

-       encouraging them to persevere if / when they actually find something challenging

BECOME A TRUE ADVOCATE FOR YOUR CHILD:

Acting as an advocate for highly able children is vital, yet also potentially ostracizing. Parents are required to be understanding and sensitive to the thoughts, feelings and needs of their child, and to be there to cushion their falls. They are also required, however, to play the typical ‘parent’ role, encouraging appropriate, acceptable and respectful behavior, and enforcing age-appropriate or developmentally-appropriate expectations and boundaries. Trust your instincts. You know your own child and what they need. As nicely as possible, be prepared to support your child and seek out whatever is necessary, whether that be a quiet place to unwind, greater stimulation and challenge at school or in extracurricular activities, or emotional support and back up on social or ethical issues.

Parents can be challenged, stretched to the limits, questioned and criticized in their endeavor to provide a loving, secure, stimulating and nurturing home environment for their child. Although some of these challenges may be unexpected, the rewards and joys of parenting gifted and highly able children can never be replaced.