Conquering my biggest fear!

I blame glossy beauty magazines. With their gorgeous cover girls, all perfectly styled, manicured and coiffed, it’s no wonder I have unrealistic expectations for my own head of hair. Like most women, I pour over these magazines purely for the pictures – I love to look at the latest in fashion, celebrity gossip and, most importantly, hairstyles.

So I tend to place too much emphasis on how I feel based on how my hair looks. It’s a terrible obsession, and yet I can’t stop. It leads me to the salon every other month or so for something fun and fresh, and I always imagine that this time the haircut will completely renew my outlook on life….clearly, my expectations are out of whack!

Each time I go to the salon, I have to give myself a pep talk for a couple of reasons. First, I have to remind myself that it is only a haircut after all, and I can’t expect to find the cure for cancer in there.

But mostly, I have to remind myself of how confident a woman I am, how I am older than many of the stylists in the shop, and how I must be honest with the stylist about what I do and don’t like.

Because you see, even though I have been described by many as confident and self-assured, everything changes when I walk into a hair salon….

I sit down in the chair, under those manipulative lights set to make you look better than you ever do anywhere else, and I become a middle school adolescent who fears all adults of any authority whatsoever – especially hair stylists. I am unable to be honest, I am unable to be the assertive, confident person I am throughout the rest of my life.

It all goes back to seventh grade. My father had won a gift certificate to an expensive hair salon from a race he had run, and I eagerly snatched it out of his hands. I was certain this hair cut was going to give me an entirely new reputation in school – I would be the girl everyone envied, with the hair that was so gorgeous everyone wanted to know who cut it.

In reality, what happened was very different. I went to the hair salon and quietly told the man what I wanted him to do. The man started cutting my hair, but was interrupted shortly after he started by a phone call. This guy let me sit there, hair partially cut and completely wet, for a good 30 minutes. I sat, and sat, and sat while he chatted, and chatted, and chatted.

And though I was angry beyond words, he was the stylist who had complete control over my hair – there was no way I was going to say a word to him, for fear he would intentionally butcher my hair. Eventually, he came back to me, gave me a very mediocre haircut, and I slinked out of the salon quietly (never looking back).

Now, when I go to the salon I have the same high expectations as I did then, and I promise myself I won’t turn into the shy seventh grader of my youth, and yet I always do. I completely lose my voice and let the stylist take control.

Often, I have some new idea for my hair and try to explain this to the stylist. Those stylists, though, are so sure of themselves that they can usually convince me that what I envision for myself will never work on me. They must have a class in beauty school on how to speak with authority, because each and every stylist I have ever visited is absolutely unwavering in their opinion of what is best for my coiffure.

The ironic thing is I spent my professional career in corporate sales – I spent years of my life convincing others that what my company made was what they needed. I must have conducted over 500 meetings, with me at the head of the room commanding the attention of a room full of professionals. I’ve been invited to speak in front of hundreds at conferences and never had a problem finding my voice.

It is only at the hair salon, under the authoritative gaze of a stylist, that I step back and let someone else take control. I’m not like this anywhere else. My stomach churns, my face gets flushed, and I hold my breath nearly the entire time I’m there.

But it’s really not the salons’ fault. It is completely my issue and I am working on overcoming it. Complements from friends and family don’t hurt, either. Slowly, I am regaining my confidence in the salon and starting to speak up more assertively. It won’t happen overnight, after all we’re talking years and years of insecurity and hair obsession – these things take time to overcome.

Luckily, the two salons in Maplewood that I’ve used over the years (Anthony Garubo and The Chelsea Set) have helped me make great strides in overcoming this strange fear I have. With great stylists and a welcoming atmosphere, they both have helped me to appreciate the salon experience more. And I am starting to find my way in these places, feeling more relaxed, and even better - feeling satisfied and confident when I walk out!