Finding Mom

For most of us, Mother’s Day is a day to look forward to, a warm and joyous holiday that brings families together by honoring mom. Nationwide, it’s a huge inclusive holiday that touches almost everyone. In fact, more phone calls are made on Mother’s Day than on any other day of the year, a fact I learned about 10 years ago when I started working for a phone company.

But for some children and mothers it’s not such a great day. For some children and mothers it’s not a reminder of the love they have and the bond they share but a reminder of the love they’re missing. What I’m talking about are children who are prevented by law from knowing their mothers’ identity, and the mothers who can’t connect with the children they gave birth to.

If this seems odd and you’re shaking your head in disbelief that the government would perpetuate such an injustice against ordinary U.S. citizens let me tell you what I’m referring to.

The children I’m talking about are adoptees, a group whose original birth certificates were sealed when they were adopted and the mothers are the women who gave them up at birth, usually under stressful conditions.

There's really no reason why laws restricting access to original birth certificates remain on the books. According to the data in states and countries where original birth certificates are open mothers overwhelming opt for contact with the children they put up for adoption, reunions are positive and adults given up for adoption want to know who their birth parents are.

I’m up to date with all this because I was adopted in New York State where original birth certificates are sealed, so this is an issue that affects me directly. I’ve been looking for my birth parents for several years, but to no avail, despite an article about my search in the New York Daily News and a video about my story that was on YouTube. I’ve yet to connect. Despite my best efforts, without my original birth certificate the identities of my birth parents remain a mystery.

The law is basically the same here in New Jersey. Original birth records are sealed. But as a result of an incredible effort by a group of very committed people there’s reason to believe that the archaic and egregious law restricting access to original birth certificates in New Jersey may soon be changed.

Bill A1406 has passed through various committees and is ready to be voted on by the full state Assembly. It’s already been approved by the state Senate. So, when approved by the Assembly, it goes to the Governor to be signed and become law.

And changing the law in New Jersey can only help the effort in New York. I can only hope.

Maybe next Mother’s Day I’ll know who my birth mother is and the holiday will have additional meaning for me and others who share my plight.