Making College Oz-some part 3

If I only had a heart (and the 3-week theory)

In re-watching the movie in advance of this post, I was reminded  what a hopeless romantic the Tinman is. I had forgotten just how wistfully he longed for art and affection; he yearns for feelings and all that makes us human.  Here is a character who is aware of his needs and feels he is missing out on something.  As we look at the different dimensions of the college experience, it seems a perfect place to talk about self-care.

Central to self care is learning to comfort and fortify yourself.  As a new college student who is probably living away from home, you have more responsibility for yourself than you probably ever have before.  This comes as shock and awe to some... and a natural next step to others.  In my personal experience and observations clients, there seems to be a critical point that comes at about a month in. I have a theory that at about 3-4 weeks into school you, the student, realize that you live somewhere else now. It's for the long haul. It’s not a vacation. Your siblings aren't there. Long-distance relationships-romantic and platonic-get strained as new opportunities pull students in different directions. The workload picks up. The honeymoon period with roommates may be over and it may be time to take the gloves off because they like to fall asleep with the tv on high...and you cant hear the crickets in your sound machine.

This is a stressful time and in my opinion, this is the time that makes or breaks a lot of students. This is the time when  priorities become more entrenched and the habits get harder to break--all the more reason to be clear on your goals as discussed in part 1 of this series, and personal resources as discussed in part 2.  People handle stress differently and with all the freedoms afforded a college student, that has the potential to be a very unhealthy and toxic situation. Trying to comfort stress and loneliness with easily accessible alcohol, in a sexually charged environment and an atmosphere where a good time is a priority and study habits were made to be broken is pretty much a recipe for disaster.  How will you handle these temptations, conflicts and personal drains that take time and energy away from your academics?

This series opened with the premise that you are smart enough, strong enough and resourceful enough to be successful in this new environment- and this post doesn't assume that you are bound to fall prey to the evils of college life- I am trying to raise  awareness about what to expect and get you thinking about how you can build upon the personal strengths you walked in the door with.  What do you know about yourself? How do you build up your personal resilience?  Where is your heart? What do you need to feel good? How do you feel about your choices so far? How are you feeling about your future? More interpersonally-What are your relationship needs? What are you expecting from your roommate, suite- or floor-mates?  Are you in a special program of study  that tends to bond over late nights or long hours...  How many of those expectations are in your control? How will you make them come to fruition? What will happen if they don't?  Knowing yourself provides a strong foundation for these other elements to fall into place. Residence Advisors, peer support groups, and the campus health center are all additional resources and places to seek support. What other services are available at your school?

Be prepared-Talk with your roommate about how to handle conflicts (weekly meetings? white-board notes?  texting?) Parents may want to plan a special care package at this time.  Students may want to block out some time on their calendars for what they really like doing or something that energizes them - revisiting their 'happy place’.  Even if all seems to be going well and there are lots of new friends around, it's important to become skilled in self care. Make a new playlist, write something, explore volunteer opportunities, read a short story, extend your workout, go on a hike, etc. By giving some thought ahead of time to the care of your heart, you will be stronger, resourceful, happier and more successful in the long run.