Da Doo, Run Run: Dealing with a Not-so-Super Pooper Scooper

Dear MapleWould:

I’m dealing with an issue that seriously stinks (pun intended):

My neighbor has the annoying habit of letting his dog poop on my front lawn and then walks away without picking it up. I know because I work from home and watch it happen. A lot. Maybe he thinks I won’t/don’t care because I’m a dog owner, too, but I DO.

How do I put an end to this behavior without causing a serious rift?

-Looooong Over Doo

Dear  L.O.D. -

Ah, yes, the do's and don’ts of doggy doo in a suburban setting!

I’m a dog owner too and know how hard it can be to curb one’s tongue when watching someone refuse to curb — or pick up after — their pooch. Add in the type of offender brazen enough to openly fertilize your front lawn and it’s enough to make one’s blood boil. I’ve even got a jerk in my neck of the 'Wood who rides about on his bike — during nighttime hours — while his horse-sized dog leaves log-sized souvenirs all about. Really not fun to discover one while jogging, I can assure you….

And, according to our , it’s also illegal: “It’s the law,” says . “You MUST clean up after your dog. Failure to do so will result in a fine or summons to appear in court.”

Still, calling in the cops for canine doodie/duty doesn’t seem like the best use of our law enforcement in my book. The way I see it, you can handle this easily on your own by taking either a direct approach or opt for a more passive aggressive one as did another Maplewoodian in a similar doo-doo dilemma:

After a few months of cleaning up after the neighborhood offender, this person decided to gather all the goodies left by the delinquent dog over the course of a week, place them in a large bag (it was a LARGE dog) and covertly leave them on the guilty party’s front porch in a gift bag with a note saying “Hello! Think you forgot these! Enjoy!”

While such a scenario may play well in one’s revenge fantasies, it does allot for backfiring a bit and/or burning the bridge of block party banter should the 'gifted' party figure out you were behind the clever payback. I think you’d be better served by firmly and politely confronting your feces felon.

My advice would be to keep a 'doggie' bag within arm’s reach and next time your see your poop perpetrator do their doo-doo, pop out your front door waving your plastic baggie with a cheerful greeting like, “Hey — no need to run home — here’s a bag!” Then, as you hand it over, throw in some sort of sympathetic nicety like, “Don’t you just hate realizing you forgot your bag…?! Working from home, you’d be amazed at how many folks I see forgetting to pick up after their dogs!” That'll give your neighbor a graceful out while still making it quite clear you are quite aware of what’s happening on your front lawn.

If that doesn’t ‘doo’ the trick, you might have to get a bit more direct, but I think you’ll find that once they know you’re on to them, they’ll clean up their act. If the problem persists, you can always reach out to the office to initiate formal proceedings.

I hope that helps! And thanks for your question!