Find the Courage to Ask for Help at College

I am sharing something that I posted to my Facebook a couple of weeks ago as my son, his friends and thousands of other anxious and excited young adults left home for college, that some suggestion I share as a blog.  I am a grief counselor and grief educator and speak all over the country on coping with grief due to many different types of losses. In my line of work, I am quite aware of the large percent of students who go off to college today who are also struggling with mental health issues and/or substance abuse as well as other dealing with other losses.  Even if one college student isn’t struggling, it is quite possible one of his or her friends, roommates or peers will experience some type of difficulty as the semester gets going.

This is a message to all families who have children in college as well as for college students and those who have friends away at college.  I want to make a suggestion that can save a life. Please encourage your college student to visit the counseling center in the first weeks of school, or anytime thereafter.  If you are a student, simply walk in and introduce yourself to one of the counselors, or even just to familiarize yourself with the center. Maybe right now you don't have anything unsettling on your mind or on your heart, but one of these days you might and it would probably be easier to go back if you already have been to the counseling center and even made a connection with a counselor.  As a grief educator I have had the privilege of meeting many college students as well as college counselors. Most college counselors are awesome, caring, aware of the issues that our youth face in today's world, non-judgmental, knowledgeable of resources and are great listeners. One day, you, a friend or a roommate may be faced with a difficult situation, circumstance or emotional upset.  It may be homesickness, a break up, parents' separation, grief, a relationship issue, a concern about a mental health issue including depression, anxiety, eating disorder, or substance abuse, etc., or maybe you just need someone who will listen without any judgment. It can really help to have someone to talk with. So many teens and young adults have told me that after speaking to a counselor they felt so much lighter, less alone and felt more ability to cope. The counseling center can help you to figure out what you can do, help you with coping strategies and tools, offer sound advice or they can just listen.

I have been suggesting to colleges that they include a visit to the counseling center on their college tours, since so many of our college students today have mental health concerns, losses of different types and other issues that may warrant some extra support, especially when students are away from home and their support network. College students should know what their counseling center offers as well as where it is located on campus. Some colleges do a great job of promoting their counseling center but might assume that students know how to find it. One of my clients who is a freshman in college this year, texted me last week telling me about a tragic loss that she had just experienced. Her long time high school friend had recently died by suicide at another college.  She was naturally very upset and we spoke on the phone for quite some time. She was living at a college hours from home. I strongly suggested that she make an appointment with the school-counseling center. She had already been home with her family and some high school friends for a couple of days and was back at college with new friends,peers and roommates who she only recently met.  She is a freshman and didn’t feel comfortable sharing too much with new friends. She also didn’t know what to say to her new friends at school or her roommate as to why she was suddenly withdrawing and didn’t want to spend as much time with them as she had. She was also having difficulty concentrating in her classes and was struggling to find the motivation to do the schoolwork. We discussed a plan for talking to her professors (some she would speak to in person and others she would email) as well as her going to see a counselor on campus.  She told me that she knew there was a counseling center at her college, as there are signs all over the bathrooms and dorms, but there were no directions about how to get to it.  We made a call and found out where it was located and she even suggested that they make new signs with directions included. She also decided to become involved in Suicide Prevention work and so I suggested that she learn about a great organization, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (www.afsp.org) as they sponsor the Out of Darkness walk to raise awareness for suicide prevention: www.outofthedarkness.org so that she could take part in that walk. This young woman is taking her grief over the loss of her dear friend and putting some of her energy into doing something to help prevent suicide in other young people. That is a great way to facilitate the healing process. She also got involved in talking to others on campus about the counseling center and sharing hotline numbers like the ones I have included below.

     In addition to visiting the college counseling center, and speaking to one's family of course, here are some great resources to know about if you, or a friend is in need of support. The 2nd Floor Youth Helpline: (1-888-222-2228) www.2ndfloor.org  confidential and anonymous hotline for youth and young adults, The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK (8255).  Call for yourself or if you are worried about a friend. The Society for the Prevention of Teen Suicide: www.sptsusa.org    The Jed Foundation: www.jedfoundation.org, is a leader in protecting the emotional health of American's 20 million college students. The Jed Foundation aims to protect the mental health of students across the country. Active Minds is a website and supports a network of campus-based chapters nationwide that are made up of students passionate about mental health advocacy and education (www.activeminds.org),  National Students of AMF (www.studentsofamf.org) an organization on college campuses supporting college students grieving the illness or death of a loved one  The organization has 44 official campus chapters across the U.S. and is working with students from over 30 colleges to develop new chapters. More than 2,000 students have benefitted from the support of this group.The Trevor Lifeline: (1-866-488-7386) www.thetrevorproject.org  which is out of The Trevor Project and provides crisis intervention and suicide prevention for LGBTQ Youth. All of these numbers are 24/7. Don't ever be afraid to reach out for help.  Asking for help is a sign of strength.

     Please remember that asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength. Asking for help can save a life.

 
      I wish you all the best in school, have fun, meet lots of people, get to know some of your professors, be open to changing your major, (I did many times) learn a lot, join clubs, volunteer, be kind to others, send a text to your parents once in a while to let them know you are okay, and most of all be safe, make good choices and take really good care of yourself. You mean a lot to many people.  You are irreplaceable, one of a kind and there will never be another you.

 "It's not the load the breaks you down; it's the way you carry it."~ Lena Horne

For more info on grief and loss visit my website at: www.griefspeaks.com and "like" my facebook page: Grief Speaks and Grief Speaks 4 Teens.  Follow Grief Speaks on Twitter.

Take care,

Lisa