Visiting the National 9/11 Memorial

Patricia Ann Massari. I'd never heard the name before Sunday. And the only reason I know it now is because it was the one and only name my 13-year-old son commented on during our visit to the newly opened National September 11 Memorial at the World Trade Center site.

Two reflecting pools—one in each footprint of the original towers—are surrounded by the names of the nearly 3,000 people who perished in the 1993 and 2001 terrorist attacks—all beautifully etched in bronze panels.

"What does this one mean mom?" my son asked, pointing to the name "Patricia Ann Cimaroli Massari and her unborn child."

I told him that it meant she was pregnant when she was killed. When we got home I told him we'd find out something about her.

And so we did.

A lifelong resident of Queens, Massari worked on the 98th floor of the World Trade Center at Marsh & McLennan.

The morning of 9/11, before heading to work, the 25-year-old capital analyst took a home pregnancy test and was able to inform her husband Louis that they were expecting their first child. Indeed, she was chatting with her husband about it on the phone when the tower was struck.

Later, Louis Massari said “I would switch spots with her tomorrow because then our family could go on.”

I didn't know her but, not surprisingly, I was moved by her story.

Recently, I read some opinion pieces by pundits who said that the country needs to move on now that the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks is behind us.

And, to some extent, that's true. You can't look back—and only back—forever.

But I also remember that, after watching the end of the 9/11 ceremony on television earlier this month, one of my kids turned to me and said: "Is all this World Trade Center stuff finally over? Will everyone finally stop talking about all of this?"

Those were hard questions to hear, especially for someone who can't sit through even a few minutes of the annual reading of the names without balling like a baby. I understood where my child was coming from. Every day that week, there'd been nothing but talk of 9/11 in school and on TV.

And, indeed, the next day we were on to soccer practice and on to the search for an after-school digital photography class as if the 10th anniversary ceremony had happened a million years ago.

But that's why I think it's so stirring to visit the memorial—perhaps over and over again.

There's nothing wrong with moving forward. But there's also nothing wrong with still looking back—even now that the 10th anniversary is behind us. And that's where the memorial comes in.

Finding parking (we parked a 20-minute walk away on Canal Street) and getting through security (better than what you go through at the airport) can be an exercise in frustration.

But it's worth it when you finally step on to the eight-acre memorial site, and you see a firefighter running his fingers over a name, and you realize you're walking the same plot of land where the victims were once entombed in piles of smoking rubble.

And even though much of the memorial complex is still under construction, including the museum portion, it's inspiring to get a closeup view of One World Trade Center — 1,776 feet of resolve on its way to completion in another year or so. Although it will really be 102 floors when finished, and capped off by a 300-foot antenna, the building already looks majestic with an American flag draped across the front.

In short, as I told my son, it doesn't always have to be precisely on 9/11 when we take a brief moment to reflect on the unity, the concern, the patriotism, and the love of family and friends and even strangers that we all felt on that original day.

I told him that we can take a brief moment and hopefully many brief moments to reflect—even now—when it's been more than 10 years since all that "World Trade Center stuff" happened.

Some information if you want to visit the memorial:

• We reserved tickets weeks ago and, indeed, you need to book well in advance. Tickets are free and you can visit here to make a reservation.
• There aren't any restrooms so make sure you find one before heading to the site.
• Electronic directories with a "Find a Name" button can help you locate a loved one's name on the bronze panels.
• Timed-entry passes aren't set in stone. We arrived 15 minutes late and they still let us in.
• The September 11 Museum is set to open in September 2012 if you want to plan on seeing both sites at the same time.
• Do not arrive more than 30 minutes before your scheduled timed entry.
• No large bags are permitted on the premises.
• You must show a valid photo ID before getting in.

— Shelley Emling is Editor of Montclair Patch.