Resolution

To say the least, 2013 has been a rough year for me. I had a lot of trial and error periods, and I also made many mistakes. Mistakes that damaged people's view of me, my reputation, but most importantly me. I made a lot of mistakes that I can't take back. There were a few times during this year when I wanted to crawl into a ditch and just stay there until I disappeared. I messed up, and I definitely paid the price. My wish for the new year is to make better decisions. Make better choices and be a better person. I want to think before I speak. I want to form a filter that will stop my brain from leaking every random and perhaps hurtful thought out of my mouth.

I am not a bad person, but I've done some things I don't like.
I've done things that I've said I would never do. I never thought I'd be the person I am today, but I guess that's what life is.
A mystery.

Our lives are a pre-written story, but I do believe that there are several stories written for each one of us. We choose our destiny. We choose how we want our lives to end up. Our lives are created by every single choice and mistake we make.

It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to really, really mess up.
It's normal to disappoint yourself and your family. It sucks, but don't forget that it is normal.
I'm normal too.

It's okay to make bad decisions. It's okay to feel stupid and sorry. It's okay to tell the truth and apologize when you're wrong.
I've been wrong. I'll be wrong again and again. It's okay to say you're sorry.
I've been sorry.
I'm normal too.

In 2013, I graduated college and thought that I would have my whole life figured out. It doesn't turn out that way for every person who graduates from a good school. Life doesn't care about the plans you have or might have had.

Is your life not everything you expected it to be?
Me either. It's not even close. You're going to be okay.
I'm normal too.

In the closing of last year I said that 2013 was going to be my best year yet. I was going to find myself and love myself for who I am. It turned out that it wasn't that easy to accept myself and my scars. I've been through a lot to just pick myself up and forget. I've been emotionally beat down until there was nothing left but hatred for me. 2013 was supposed to be my year, but I always seemed to be disappointed, and something always went wrong.
I'm normal too.

When I welcome the new year of 2014, I will not wish for my best year yet. I will work for the best me yet. I will work on myself and my happiness. I will work on making better decisions that will make me who I want to be. I will work hard and never stay down if I fall. I will always rise up, even if I'm bruised and bleeding.


I won't give up on myself.

Not this year, not ever.


This is my New Years resolution.