Student Leadership Retreat Inspires Positive Change

The Parsippany-Troy Hills school district is celebrating the success of its fourth annual Student Leadership Retreat. The two-day event, sponsored by the town's two high schools and held Wednesday and Thursday at Parsippany Hills High, is an effort to prepare kids to become leaders in making the schools and the community safer, stronger and better.

Aimée Doyle, student assistance counselor at the Hills, is one of 40 staff members who volunteered their time to facilitate at the retreat. She said students must be nominated by the staff in order to take part.

"We invite 100-120 students from each school. The staff nominates them for the program. Incoming freshmen are referred by guidance at the middle schools," said Doyle. "For some of the kids, it’s résumé building. For some, it’s fun. We try to make it thought provoking, [with] not too lecturing."

For staff, the event kicked off Tuesday night with a barbecue and planning. The students' experience began bright and early on Wednesday.

"We focused a lot on leadership and communication," Doyle explained. "We lumped the students into 10 groups. They did a lot of ice-breaker games—linking arms, communications. It was a little bit different in each classroom."

She said Thursday's agenda covered more sensitive topics, particularly the problem of bullying.

“It’s my first year doing [the retreat], and I think it is a great way to get to know students from both sides of town, new students coming in, and students we haven’t taught," said Elizabeth Sohan, an English teacher at the Hills. "We get to talk about things you don’t get to talk about in the classroom, like bullying and communication. It’s a nice opportunity to do that.”

One focus for the students was a long-term community service project they were assigned by Wednesday morning's keynote speaker, sales executive and altruist Michael Levine.

Sara Salem, who will be a sophomore at Parsippany Hills this year, said the students got to choose how they wanted to help the community.

“We got into these little groups of 20 people, about six groups in all," she said. "My group chose to do something for the military. We decided to help families of returning veterans."

"My group chose needy families," said Colby Thomas, also a sophomore at the Hills. "We have to make a charity event and be done by Dec. 12.  We talked about that for 45 minutes, then spent the rest of the time playing leadership games.”

Frank Pagoda, a Parsippany High sophomore, described one of the games.

“There were two groups, each with two leaders," he said. "One group had two positive leaders. The other had negative leaders. We played with balls, passing them [around]. Everyone has to touch [the ball], and the pattern gets repeated to see how many rounds each group can do. It showed how the group with the bad leaders didn’t prosper.

“I was the bad leader, but they didn’t know that I was told to be bad," Pagoda continued. "I noticed that when I purposefully tried to be bad, people stopped responding to what I was telling them.  At one point, the groups switched leaders. When this happened, the group that was doing better did poorly when the leadership changed from supportive to negative. I really saw how the quality of leadership affected how the group did.”

Sara Salem added, “[Frank] was an awesome bully.  I think I would never bully someone after today.”

On Thursday, Mayor James Barberio stopped by to talk with students about their service projects.

“I think the program’s fabulous," Barberio said. “It starts with our youth. Volunteers in the community mean a lot to me, especially our youth. I volunteered because my mother made me."

The mayor also reflected on cyberbullying–inflicting pain on others via the Internet.

"Let’s face it—the Internet’s a great thing, but when it’s used the wrong way…," he said.

High school, Barberio noted, was the perfect time to address leadership with the students. He said the teen years are the time when young people move toward adulthood, responsibility, caring about others and setting their goals for the future.

“When I was in high school I said, 'I want to be mayor of Parsippany.' I was always involved in political classes," Barberio recalled. "These are future leaders. Some might stay in Parsippany.”

The mayor said he was extremely moved by a presentation at All Saints Academy of the documentary Ryan’s Story. The film recounts the sad life story of Ryan Patrick Halligan, a Vermont teen who responded to bullying by taking his life in 2003.

“There was not a dry eye in the place," Barberio said. "I didn’t realize the impact. I couldn't believe it. I couldn’t control myself.”

The retreat featured public speakers both days.

Wednesday, Michael Levine, a sales executive from Chelsea Senior Living and the founder of nonprofit service group TK offered a keynote address that challenged students to give back to the community and to "be selfless."

On Thursday, Det. Mark Castellano from the Morris County Prosecutor’s Office presented an interactive presentation on cyberbullying.

Castellano started a discussion by empowering the students.

"You were selected for your leadership skill. You guys are already the leaders in your demographic—the future leaders," he told the teenagers. "Let’s say I go home tonight and read on the Internet something you wrote, that you saw my presentation today and it was a total waste of time. Do you think I’d be hurt by that? Yes, I would. 

“Your words and actions are so profound that they can make people do things they wouldn’t normally do," he told the audience.

Castellano described events over the past two decades using powerful street slang. He made those listening feel the pain of suicide victims and their parents, discussing events at Colorado's Columbine High School, the Star Wars Kid in 1994, New Jersey's Tyler Clementi and Ryan Halligan.

“With cyberbullying, there’s no safe haven," Castellano said. "Ryan Halligan [was] a sixth grader. That kid had the bully in his bedroom. He had the bully on his hip. It’s with him all the time.

"The story is, he’s being bullied, then the bully becomes his friend — bad move. So he shares some personal stuff, then the bully turns on him in the worst imaginable way. At 13 years old, that sweet, innocent kid took his own life. What made him do it? Words. Tattoos. Things that hang on us. Think about the tattoo you want to give somebody. Should it say Jerk? Punk? Buster? Or should it say Friend, Compassionate?

“Our words and actions are so profound that they can make people do things that they will never recover from,” he repeated, for impact.

He told the teenagers that they have the ability to change people's lives.

"You guys have the power because you’ve already been recognized as leaders, and leaders lead," he said.

The students say the presentation was very effective.

“I definitely thought he had a lot of great things to say. He mixed being very open and very in your face. The message got across," said Alex Krisiewicz of Parsippany Hills High.

Nicole Poccia, an incoming freshman at the Hills, agreed.

“I thought it was really cool. He reached out and talked to us on our own level. I don’t feel as intimidated as I might have been," she said. "This kind of helped me to feel better being a young leader.”

After a barbeque lunch, students participated in activities involving trust and decision-making. The trust activity required guiding a blindfolded partner through an obstacle course, first using nonverbal commands with hands allowed, and second, using verbal commands only, with no hands.

Mike Pietrowicz, a Hills senior, said, “The trust activity is designed to get us thinking about being a trustworthy person and learning to be a really good follower as well.”

The last activity of the retreat involved reading bullying scenarios the students themselves had written and discussing how the teens would handle each situation. At the end, students filled out surveys, which were given to Parsippany Hills High Assistant Principal Lisa Garofalo. She expressed confidence that this year's retreat will be as successful as the previous three.

“All we can do is provide as much guidance and as many strategies as we can, and reinforce those as much as possible," she said. "I think the fact that the kids know the teachers are volunteering their time is very meaningful to them."

Dr. Nancy Gigante, the Hills' principal, said she is pleased with the program.

“It’s sort of a homegrown thing that we developed. We designed it ourselves. Some of the things we’ve learned as administrators in workshops were very helpful," she said. "We’re focusing on making our school a safer, more comfortable place to be. It also falls in really well with the new legislation."

Gigante referred to the newly enacted Anti-bullying Bill of Rights, which mandates procedures for handling bullying and cyberbullying in schools.

"We're determined to keep our schools safe and to make sure all of our students know that they are safe and respected," said school district Superintendent LeRoy Seitz. "This Student Leadership Retreat will help empower our young people to step up and make a difference in the schools and in the community at large."