Everyday Thanksgiving: Lessons on gratitude from my mother-in-law

On November 24th our great country will pause to observe our national tradition of expressing gratitude. While you might find it amazing to think a guy can be grateful for his mother-in-law, I feel compelled to share the many fine qualities of selflessness and compassion expressed by a woman who won’t be sitting with us around the Thanksgiving table this year.

It is plain that we are living in troubled times. Fame, opportunity and wealth would seem to rush at a small percentage of our population while too many experience tragedy, loneliness and frustration. When we are not where we want to be, when we feel fearful and uncomfortable, is sometimes when individuals are forced to dig deep into their spiritual reserves to find gratitude. But, is it really possible to express gratitude on a regular basis? Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk notable for his active participation in interfaith dialogue and co-founder of A Network for Grateful Living, must have thought so when he asked, “Do we find it difficult to imagine that gratefulness could ever become our basic attitude toward life?”

It was impossible not to be inspired by the shining example of everyday thanksgiving and selfless love exemplified by Inge Minc, my mother-in-law. She engaged with everyone with such a deep and genuine underlying foundation of love. How did she develop this kind, compassionate and easily flowing love? While she never acknowledged it to me or my wife, it was as if adversity compelled her to make an early choice between an expansive or narrow life. Perhaps she intuitively knew the old saying, “if you’ve forgotten the language of gratitude, you’ll never be on speaking terms with happiness.”

Certainly nothing in my suburban and sheltered childhood could help me imagine the significant challenges that Inge faced as a young girl, especially when her experience was so counter to my own. Born in Brazil, Inge faced unimaginable adversity early in life when she and her family found themselves trapped in Germany during World War II. There were the regular terror of air raids along with near starvation conditions. Gratefully, she and her family survived to make the trans-Atlantic voyage home to Brazil.

Not unlike Abraham who in Biblical times left home to find the Promised Land, Inge and her family were propelled to leave Brazil in 1968 for the promise of a better life in America. Inge’s husband’s career in the U.S. was full of layoff-related stops and starts that created financial instability. Instead of ruminating over difficult circumstances, Inge imparted into the household a positive and unfettered outlook, finding ways to use her natural skills to make ends meet.

I will always appreciate the significant contributions Inge made to our family. Caring for our kids when my wife and I had to work or when we needed time for ourselves. The family dinners replete with sumptuous food prepared by a woman whose only earthly riches were her family. The following hymn written by Harold Ferguson speaks volumes of this special person:

“Our gratitude is riches,

Complaint is poverty,

Our trials bloom in blessings,

They test our constancy.

O’ life from joy is minted,

An everlasting gold,

True gladness is the treasure

that grateful hearts will hold. “

Since many of us don’t have an Inge to share the holiday with, some churches provide an interfaith service the Wednesday evening before Thanksgiving. Please also consider joining me and other community members for an hour-long service on Thanksgiving Day at 10:30 am at First Church of Christ, Scientist in Princeton (csprinceton.org).

Steve Drake

Tenacre Foundation

Princeton