RHS Crisis Counselors after Clementi Death: We Want to Create A Safe Space

Ridgewood High School crisis counselors have a message for teens dealing with grief over suicides: "Yes, this person is dead."

Counselors told the Ridgewood Board of Education Monday night that's what they say to to tell students, to help them understand the gravity of a terrible situation—and begin to address it.

The board asked the counselors to discuss their methods Monday as the district continued its response to the death of Tyler Clementi's death, a Ridgewood graduate and Rutgers Freshman who jumped off the George Washington Bridge after fellow Rutgers students allegedly webcast him having sexual relations with another man.

Jack Lorenz, the principal of Ridgewood High School, brought the school's crisis intervention counselors, Lauren DePinto and Kevin Feeley, to the meeting to discuss the intervention and crisis management techniques they use in the school system.

Lorenz said that while suicide is hard to pin down to any one or two circumstances, the program is intended to identify and help at-risk teens and other students in need of counseling.

The Crisis Intervention Counseling Program is designed to provide prevention, intervention and support services for students and their families in the Ridgewood Public School District. Crisis intervention counselors work collaboratively with school administration, grade-level advisers, guidance counselors, the child study team and teachers at the middle and secondary levels, according to the Ridgewood Public Schools website.

Specifically in dealing with the Clementi suicide, Lorenz said that being direct with students was the best way to get through to them.

"We need to balance truth and honesty without violating families' right to privacy," the principal said. "We don't want to glorify the actions of the suicide, but we want to redirect kids to re-establish a routine."

The school board asked Lorenz to explain how the crisis management team dealt specifically with the school's recent suicide cases; two other students committed suicide earlier in the year.

Lorenz said that the most important thing to do is to first get verification from police, the family, or a family spokesperson–to prevent rumors from spreading throughout the school.

Afterward, identifying students close to the victim and talking to them about the situation allows the counselors to emotionally connect with grieving teens and get them to share their feelings. Then the counselors talk with one another about the situation and how best to approach other grieving students and faculty.

Because sessions are confidential–unless immediate harm is a concern–the counselors encourage students to talk to them about any emotional or psychological hardships.

In the Clementi case, crisis counselors DiPinto and Feeley met with the high school's orchestra as a group and then individually. Clementi was a musician and played with the high school orchestra during his time at the school.

DiPinto and Feeley contacted parents about the situation and informed them of their sessions with the affected students.

"We want to be emotionally available to these students," said Feely. "We want to create a safe enough space where they can testify their feelings."

Lorenz shared how a group of 26 girls–still affected by a Ridgewood High School student's sudden passing over the summer–believed that the system and not just the individual had to be examined. The girls shared that they all needed to be "kinder and gentler to one another," and to help those who are prone to bullying to find relief.

The girls suggested bringing back the daily announcements with the hope that it would reconnect students with the school community, said Lorenz.

Wednesday, the crisis counselors will meet with 24 faculty members to gather students in small dialog groups and allow them to talk about the situation and ask questions.

"The idea is to not forget those who took their lives, but [for students] to get back to their own mental health," said Lorenz.

Superintendent Dr. Daniel Fishbein said that with 1700 kids in the high school and another 1400 in middle school, the reality is that "someone's in crisis everyday."

Discussing how counselors identify students who are at risk, DePinto said the counselors spend a lot of time working with teachers to learn about students in an academic and sports setting, and then try to make themselves known to students during lunch hour.

DePinto said that it's about awareness. He said unfortunately the best times for crisis counselors to make themselves known is when tragedy strikes, but their doors are always open. 

Lorenz  added that "We all must rely on one another to take care of ourselves."

Patch reminds young people of any sexual orientation who are struggling with social isolation or other difficulties: Help is available.

Patch also invites Tyler Clementi's friends and loved ones to share their thoughts and memories about the teen known as a talented musician and gifted student.