Mom Takes Child's Ashes On Stage To Get NJ High School Diploma

SOUTH BRUNSWICK, NJ — Emily Michaela Murillo died before she could graduate from South Brunswick High School. So on June 22, with Emily's ashes in hand, her mother Erin Popolo crossed the stage to receive her daughter’s diploma from a school she said failed her child.

“I carried my daughter’s ashes with me when I walked across the stage to collect her diploma, one of the final acts I will ever have the privilege to do on her behalf,” Popolo wrote on Patch.

A South Brunswick senior, Emily’s life was tragically cut short on Jan. 29.

The grieving mother said she was left disappointed after the district failed to mention Emily during the ceremony. During his speech, South Brunswick High School Principal Peter Varela spoke about what the Class of 2021 lost in the past eighteen months, including prom, a senior dinner cruise, and normalcy, but failed to mention "the loss of a classmate,” said Popolo.

“In a time when the entire audience was mourning things missed, there was no recognition of the ultimate loss; no moment of silence, no mention of Emily except when her name was called for her diploma.”

When Popolo went up to receive Emily's diploma, she said Board of Education President Barry Nathanson gave her a “perfunctory” handshake and “congratulations, Emily.”

A special education student, Emily was bullied in school, her mother said, and her death in a car crash in Franklin Park was ruled a suicide.

Read More Here: South Brunswick Mourns High School Student Killed In Car Crash

“She suffered and was marginalized. Even in death, she could not escape her tormentors who harassed her memory in the most despicable and deplorable of ways during her funeral,” Popolo said.

Popolo said she believes had Emily been a “star football player”, she would have been “acknowledged at graduation.”

The disappointment felt by Emily’s family also stems from the fact that they have been an integral part of South Brunswick Schools. Popolo was a Board Office employee for six years, and Emily's father was employed at the district for more than a decade. Her grandmother was a school nurse for 20 years. Meanwhile, Emily and her sister Kaylee, who graduated in 2017, worked in the after-school program at the district.

The mother wrote an open letter to the Board of Education expressing her grief and disappointment. You can read Erin’s open letter here.

Apology Offered

For their part, the district acknowledged they should have done better. They offered apologies to Emily’s family over the omission during the ceremony.

“We need to start by saying how very sorry our district is that our actions or inactions at graduation have added to any grief of the family. Our plan moving forward is to learn from this and be better for any family, should this type of tragedy ever happen again,” Board President Barry Nathanson, Superintendent Scott Feder, and Principal Peter Varela told Patch in a joint statement.

The officials said that prior to graduation, the district engaged with Popolo to work on a project keeping Emily’s memory alive.

“The superintendent, the supervisor of the high school crisis response team, and a member of student personnel services had spoken with Emily’s mother, Erin, on multiple occasions to both express condolences, but also to learn from her what we could do to support her family,” the statement said. “It was clear that letting this conversation just pass by would only add to the tragedy, so instead, for the past few months a team of district and high school personnel have been working with Erin on a project that we believe will both keep the memory of Emily alive, and deepen our important work on anti-bullying."

The district said it has put resources behind the project and remains confident that Popolo will continue to be active in the work ahead.

“We believe the work we have been doing in regard to the loss of Emily, specifically with her mother, Erin Popolo, will be the work that keeps Emily’s memory alive and will go a long way in our anti-bullying programming,” the statement said. “No one should suffer such a loss and the school should absolutely be there to support the family and ensure that the memories are kept alive. This project will be impactful and hopefully play a major part in the grieving process for the family and community.”

The school district said that going forward, it will reevaluate its graduation practices.

“Erin is a brave person and hearing that we have hurt her, has greatly impacted us and again, has caused us to re-evaluate our graduation practices in the event a family in our district faces a future tragedy of this magnitude,” district officials said. “We thank Erin for her bravery in sharing her feelings and for her continued work to keep Emily’s memory alive.”

Wider Issue

Dianne Grossman, an anti-bullying activist, reached out to Popolo after the incident. “If we want kids to understand their power and influence, we must have the courage to speak out about bullying and suicide,” Grossman said in a Facebook post.

Grossman lost her daughter Mallory to bullying in 2017. She is championing a bill aimed at toughening New Jersey's anti-bullying laws.

Read More Here: 'The Right Kid Hasn't Died Yet:' The Fight To Pass Mallory's Law

“If schools continue to IGNORE their role in our children’s journey, the leading cause of death for our children will continue to grow,” wrote Grossman.

Popolo agreed that the school district missed an important “teachable moment.”

“South Brunswick Schools erased her memory, and maybe even worse, they missed a teachable moment,” wrote Popolo.

"Emily died by suicide on the coldest night of the year, certain that she was forgotten and alone, and you proved her right," Popolo said. "Emily Michaela Murillo was my daughter, and she was here."

Read More Here: The Fight To Pass Anti-Bullying 'Mallory's Law' Continues In NJ

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