Graduates Talk About Life After Columbia High

On Saturday afternoon, six Columbia graduates served on a panel, College Life Uncensored, at Words Bookstore in Maplewood. Maureen P. Tillman, a licensed social worker, psychotherapist and founder of College with Confidence and The New York Times Local College Corner, served as moderator. Tillman has lived in Maplewood for over 27 years and helps parents and children navigate the college experience.

The panelists were composed of Alex, who attends Occidental College; Danica, who attends Howard University; Jake, who attends Hampshire College; Max, who attends Rutgers University; Peter, who attends the University of Michigan; and Lily, who attends Ithaca College. The group asked that we only use their first names due to the sensitive and personal nature of the conversation. They addressed the 30 attendees, who listened attentively as the panelists answered Tillman's probing questions.

After the panel discussed their activities at Columbia, which ranged from track and field to the school newspaper, they revealed what they had been looking for in a college. Lily said she was looking for a strong journalism program. Jake, the only panelist who was going into his junior year, had his heart set on an alternative school, since he was uncertain of what he wanted to study.

When Tillman asked the panelists about their opinions on maintaining their high school romantic relationships during freshman year of college, everyone started to laugh. Jake admitted he was "spared from having to make that decision." Most of the group thought it was wise to end the relationship before heading off to college. "If people can make it work, then great," said Alex. "However, I wouldn't recommend it."

"My parents have been together since high school. I think that's ridiculous," laughed Danica. Overall, the panelists revealed that at this point, all of their friends who had relationships at Columbia had broken up.

Most of the panelists found the transition to college from Columbia to be a somewhat smooth one. "I was surprised at how much freedom you have right off the bat," revealed Lily. "At Columbia, I was used to asking the teacher to use the bathroom or walk in the hallway." The other panelists nodded their heads in agreement.

Alex said one of the things he struggled with was his living situation. "At home, I shared a bathroom with my sister. At school, the bathroom was so far away from my bedroom. That was hard to get used to." Alex, a self-admitted messy person, had to adjust to living with someone a lot neater than himself. Max, who knew his roommate before they went to college, said he learned to compromise. "I was messy, but he later got a girlfriend. We both learned to live with it." Peter had to live with a roommate addicted to video games, but found the upside: "I later made a documentary out of it."

Danica said one of the aspects of college life that took some getting used to was cafeteria hours. "I couldn't wait for the cafeteria to open!" Jake shared the story of when he first told one of his professors that he would be missing class the following week. "She looked at me and said, 'And?' I realized that I didn't have to tell her."

Social media, such as Facebook, has changed the dynamics of college was well.  Tillman pointed out that many colleges have Facebook pages, such as "I'm Going to Ithaca: 2013." Alex had the audience laughing when he said he was thrown in a panic when he could not find his roommate on Facebook. "I thought, 'What was wrong with him if he's not on Facebook!'" Peter revealed that he also searched for his future roommate on Facebook and was not happy with what he discovered. "He wasn't smiling in any of the photos." Turns out, he didn't smile very much when they met in real life either.

When Tillman asked about college life and drinking and partying, the question was initially met with silence from the panelists before everyone started talking. Alex said that Occidental College has a dry campus, but that made binge drinking a huge issue: "Someone would go to a hospital every weekend." Lily revealed that a lot of drinking went on at Ithaca. "I was shocked at how much planning went into drinking and getting alcohol." Max said that "partying is a business at Rutgers." He shared how one of his friends worked the front door at parties and "made more money than anyone else I knew at Rutgers."

Towards the end of the session, Tillman said that one in three college students end up transferring to another college. The audience seemed stunned when she said that two of the six panelists were in that statistic. No one guessed correctly as to which students were transferring: Max and Lily.

Max explained that once he realized he wanted to study photography, he was not satisfied with Rutgers and is now transferring to Pratt Institute. Lily, who shared the fact that she had never wanted to attend Ithaca to begin with, was still in transition mode: "I got into NYU's journalism program, and I'm waiting to hear from two other schools." 

Tillman pointed out that transferring colleges is quite a challenge. "The schools don't care about your high school grades. They want to see how well you did in college. So, it can be hard to keep up your grades when you are not happy."