Mazalations!

Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky on their recent nuptials!  Or should I say Mazel Tov?  Or perhaps Mazalations are in order.  As we are well aware, Chelsea and her husband Marc are now members of the tribe, the tribe of the interfaith couples.    Their "mixed marriage" has become fodder for the media and dinner party chit chat around town.  "Will it work?"  "What about the kids?"  "What DO Methodists believe, anyway?"  I've heard it all.

When I spoke with some friends in interfaith relationship, one message prevailed.  Open and honest communication is key, regardless of religious affiliations.  While that bit of wisdom may seem obvious, many have had to learn the hard way when faced with issues they did not anticipate on that first romantic date.  It may have been a buzz kill, but I always had the Christmas Tree Conversation at the very first dinner with a non-Jew.  "Just so you know, there will never be a Christmas tree in my Jewish house,"  I stated over a glass of wine.  "Don't even bother to explain to me that the tree is a Pagan symbol that has nothing to do with Christmas. Are you going to eat all of your pommes frites?"

Every interfaith couple has their own ideas about how to or how not to incorporate religion into a home.  There is no one-size-fits-all model for interfaith harmony.

Heather Stein is Jewish, and her partner Alexis is Episcopalian.  Both women feel connected to their respective religions, but they chose to raise their son Ethan Jewish.  They celebrate all the Jewish holidays, but Ethan's mothers have taught him to honor the Christian traditions, as well.  "Religion was never a  deal-breaker for us, and we respect each other's religious upbringing," explained Heather.  "Before we adopted Ethan, we spent a lot of time discussing how religion would factor into our lives.  Luckily, we have been on the same page for most issues."

Lucila and Kevin McElroy struggled with their differences in observance as well as in religious identification.  Kevin is a practicing Catholic, but Lucila feels connected to Judaism in a purely cultural way.  "We took a pre-marriage preparation course that the Catholic church offered as well as a workshop at our local JCC.  We learned invaluable information about dealing with conflict both in and outside of religion. Nothing prepared me, however, for the reality of our differences.  The Sunday during our honeymoon, Kevin went to mass.  I had to come to terms with the fact that I married a church-goer."  The McElroys have three children who will not have a formal, religious education, but they do celebrate all the major Catholic and Jewish holidays.

While the McElroy daughters feel lucky to "have two religions", Lucila admits that she does miss the community that comes more easily to families who are affiliated with a particular religious institution.

We have yet to see if Marc and Chelsea will integrate one or both religions into their married life.  Their ceremony honored both religions though there were, on balance, more Jewish blessings and rituals. Whether the huppah (wedding canopy) and the Sheva Berachot (The Seven blessings) were simply nods to family members or a commitment to maintain a Jewish household is yet to be seen. 

My bubby (grandmother) subscribed to the notion that the caregiver of the house determines the religion of the family. Both my sister and brother "married out," and my partner converted to Judaism.  Bubby was most upset about my brother's marriage because she assumed that his non-Jewish wife would not raise their children as Jews.  Before she passed away, we convinced her that my brother's wife might consider converting one day, which gave her great peace of mind - a much greater peace than telling her that they chose never to have children.  Such a shanda!

We don't yet know if Chelsea and Marc plan to have children, but that does not preclude  the public from wondering whether there will be Bar or Bat Mitzvahs in the future.   Will there be a Chanukah bush and/or a Christmas tree?  We may never know unless we get an invitation to celebrate Christmukah with them.  

We do know that maintaining a healthy marriage is hard work whether both partners belong to the same religion or not.  Let's hope that all of this public meddling provides our newlyweds with some helpful tips at the very least.  Love does not always conquer all, but no marriage can succeed without respect and open communication.  Good luck and Mazalations, Chelsea and Marc!