Help for College Parents

As your child leaves for college, your role changes.  Yes, you’re a college parent, but what exactly does that mean. Obviously, you are still the parent, you always will be, but the parenting you do as a college parent will be different in nature from what you have been doing as your child has moved through elementary school, middle school, and high school. Our involvement in our college student’s life is still crucial, but our mode of operation may need to be modified.

Parents of college students are often told to “let go”, but it’s all about knowing how your role changes and finding the ways that you can be productively involved to help your student throughout his college career. My feeling is that the best thing a parent can do is support his child’s goals, believe in him and act as a cheerleader and coach – giving suggestions, sometimes chiding, and sometimes encouraging – but from the sidelines.

If you haven’t been talking to your college student about his/her career thoughts, now is a good time to get started. Today the possibilities for your child’s future are endless, so it is easy for a student to be overwhelmed by all the options. Also there are many hurdles that students must overcome, e.g. the new economy, increased global competition, cost cutting, hiring freezes, not knowing what is available, family/peer pressure etc.

There's a lot to consider. Every student is different.  Every student has different goals and ambitions, different strategies, different needs.  Also, students who think they know what they want may have second thoughts and change their direction. Uncertainty is normal and can be positive, if it forces one to examine his options carefully.

If your student is a senior, it’s a logical topic of conversation.  But even if your student is an underclassman, open the subject now, begin to help your student think about options and priorities – in a constructive way, not in a micromanaging (helicopter) way. The more you know about the questions to ask your student, and the more information you have about career planning, the more productive your career conversations can be. Embrace your role as coach but remember to think carefully about how often you jump in with suggestions, observations, reactions, or comments.  Leave plenty of space for your student to take the lead.

I know that the right type of parental support can make the difference in raising a child’s career awareness and in integrating career planning into his/her college schedule. My theory is that an involved parent, together with the school’s Career Services office and other mentors, is the combination needed to help a student find his way.  An understanding of career planning and development is the surest way for parents to guide their child on the right path to finding a good career fit. 

Sharon Gilbert has over 20 years of experience career counseling students at NJIT and elsewhere. See www.beyondtuition.com . She will be speaking on “Career Coaching Your College Kid” at Summit Public Library on Tuesday, September 24th at 7:30pm and at New Providence Memorial Library on Thursday, September 26th at 7:30pm. Free and open to all.