How We Met: For Toms River Couple, Friendship Is Everything

Editor’s note: Through Valentine’s Day, Patch is featuring stories about couples who answered our informal Valentine’s Day love stories survey. We asked them how they met and their secrets to a happy relationship.

TOMS RIVER, NJ — Richard Boccio's eyes lit up and he smiled, rubbing his hands together like he was about to sample an exquisite dish.

"She's fearless," he said, looking across the table at his wife, Joanne. "I love to go on adventures," she said, a smile spreading across her face.

The Toms River couple, who will celebrate their 45th anniversary on April 29, were telling the story of a trip they took to Mexico years ago, each contributing pieces of the story. Richard — Richie, as Joanne calls him — was recounting a time where Joanne's adventurous spirit got them into a spot that was more uncomfortable than he wanted to be.

As they spoke, telling a tale that included a 14-year-old taxi driver, a trip to the beach mentioned in "The Shawshank Redemption" and exiting a restaurant through the kitchen, what shone through is the deep friendship they have for each other — a friendship nourished by a deep respect and the balance of their personalities.

It's a friendship that continues to grow 56 years after they met.

The new kid

Joanne Natole was sitting next to her best friend, Patrick, when Richie Boccio from East New York in Brooklyn was introduced as the new student. It was 1967, and they were third graders in Mrs. Griffith's class.

"I didn't like him at first because he sat next to my best friend," Joanne said, "but everybody thought he was cute."

Richie's family had moved into the neighborhood in Staten Island, around the corner from Joanne's family, and it wasn't long before Richie and his brother and sister were part of the group of kids that hung out all the time.

"We would meet up at the schoolyard," Joanne said, and from there, it was a typical late 1960s-early 1970s childhood for the neighborhood kids, riding bicycles and hanging out. At they got into middle school and high school, Joanne and Richie started dating, going to school dances or going out to eat.

"My dad would drive us to the restaurant, and then come pick us up and drive us home," Richie said.

While others in their group would date and break up and date someone else within the group, Joanne and Richie remained a couple. It was eighth grade when Joanne first said she wanted to marry Richie.

Richie's mother, Matilda, overheard a conversation and didn't like what she heard, Joanne recalled. So she confronted Joanne at the eighth-grade dance.

"She came into the bathroom and she says to me, 'You stay away from my boys. I heard what you said,' " Joanne said, "and I said under my breath, 'I'm going to marry Richie.' "

It was just loud enough that Matilda heard her. " 'What did you say?' she said, and I said, 'I'm gonna marry Richie.' "

Richie said he knew right away that he and Joanne would be together, way back in third grade.

"I just knew," he said. "Sometimes you just know."

Building a life

Richie and Joanne were just out of high school when he gave her a pre-engagement ring.

"We knew we wanted to be together," he said. But their youth — both were under 21 — drew objections from family and friends. Richie's family in particular urged him to wait, saying he was too young.

"My mother was married at 17," Joanne said, "she said, 'I can't say anything.' " Her mom, Julie, was so excited she started making plans immediately, even faster than Joanne and Richie were ready to do.

Her father was mellow about the news. " 'Who you marrying?' he said," Joanne said. "I said, 'Richie,' and he said OK."

By the time they married on April 29, 1978, they were renting an apartment on Staten Island, paying $135 a month, attending school — Richie was studying to be a dental technician, Joanne became a dental assistant — and planning their lives.

Within five years, they had bought a home — a townhouse on Staten Island — and had launched a dental laboratory making dental appliances, and their first child, April, was born.

"We had no fear apparently," Richie said, marveling in retrospect at the challenges they took on in the early years of their marriage.

"We were very excited about getting married," Joanne said, recalling a day filled with joy, in spite of her being sick with bronchitis. After the reception, they went to a bar to continue the celebration.

"They told us to leave," she said, because the drinking age in New York was 21. "I was wearing my wedding dress and said, 'But I'm married.' " The bartender wasn't moved by that, Joanne said with a laugh.

The only glitch was the vocalist who was set to perform at their wedding got sick, and the replacement didn't know the song Joanne and Richie had chosen.

"It was Thank You, by Led Zeppelin," Joanne said, singing the first few lines: "If the sun refused to shine/I would still be loving you/When mountains crumble to the sea/There will still be you and me."

They danced to "We've Only Just Begun" by the Carpenters instead, the song Richie liked.

Years later, one of their daughters chose "Thank You" for her wedding, bringing life full circle, Joanne said.

Teamwork through the tough times

While Joanne and Richie have mostly happy memories of their life together, they faced challenges along the way.

They built their dental laboratory business, which they opened in Perth Amboy in 1981 and later moved it to South Amboy. Eventually both daughters, April and Julie, worked with them, Joanne said.

They finally decided to sell the business to a larger company .. which turned around and forced Joanne and Richie and their daughters out. "They said there was a no nepotism policy," Joanne said.

The dust had barely settled when the couple went to their former clients and told them they were starting fresh, and rebuilt anew.

"She really pushed me to get up and go out," Richie said. "She said, 'C'mon, we have customers to go see.' "

Their bond also has gotten them through when Joanne suffered a miscarriage, losing their son, and through the loss of family members. The most difficult loss was the recent death of Joanne's niece, who was a paramedic in North Carolina.

"We always say 'This ain't gonna get us,' " Richie said.

While working together could be a challenge for some couples, for the Boccios it is not because they set rules.

"We never talked about work at home," when they owned the first lab, the couple said. When they walked out the door on Friday, work stayed at work, and would be picked up again when they returned Monday morning.

Since 2014, Joanne has worked from home, and that has changed the dynamic slightly, but mostly in that their daughters will let her know what's going on.

"I know before he gets home," she said with a laugh.

The couple, who had lived in Staten Island during the early years of their business, later moved to Brick and moved in with Joanne's sister for a time while their first home in Toms River was being built. They have lived in Toms River for nearly 30 years.

The dental lab now operates in an office on Mantoloking Road in Brick, which is a relief, Richie said.

"I commuted to Perth Amboy all those years," he said. "It's nice to only be about 20 minutes away."

Making it all work

Joanne and Richie are quick to tell you they have differences but they also have a lot in common.

"I'm a night person, he's a morning person," she said. "I'm more laid back, she's more aggressive," he said.

Joanne enjoys sightseeing on vacation, but Richie wants to simply relax. Richie plays golf, and Joanne enjoys playing bingo with friends. She loves the snow, he loves the hot weather.

They love to travel together and frequently travel by themselves because they prefer to follow their own schedules and choose their own activities, they said. Hawaii and Punta Cana have been favorite destinations.

Joanne also travels with her girlfriends, which allows her to indulge a desire to go sightseeing.

But they also enjoy spending time at the beach, renting a house locally for a week in the summer to spend time with their grandchildren and just relax, or crabbing in their favorite spot, away from the crowds.

When they hang out with friends, Richie joins Joanne and her girlfriends at the beach, preferring the relaxation over going fishing with the guys. That makes him very popular with her girlfriends, Joanne said with a laugh.

"Oh, Richie's coming? they'll say," she said. "Yeah, they just want me to carry the chairs," Richie said with a laugh.

Years ago, they would bowl in leagues in Brick with friends, and even won a couple of titles. These days, they enjoy playing poker with friends.

"We don't mind if there are differences," Joanne said, because their bond runs so deep.

In listening, it's clear the bond is not simply because of their friendship, built on two principles: "Be honest," Joanne said. "No secrets," Richie said. But they deeply respect each other, which comes through in how they talk about each other.

Richie speaks of Joanne's assertiveness with praise. "She's fearless," he said.

Joanne, meanwhile, said she admires her husband's generosity, which flows from his laid-back nature.

"We help each other out," Richie said. "We're a good team," whether it's running the business, fixing dinner at home, gardening, or even when it comes to indulging each other's preferences on vacation. Even if that pushes Richie out of his comfort zone, he said.

The couple is headed to Mexico later this year to celebrate their 45th anniversary and their 65th birthdays, and while it will be a special trip, it seems unlikely they will have a repeat of the trip years ago where Joanne convinced Richie to go to Ixtapa, Mexico, and to Zihuatanejo Beach, the beach made famous in "The Shawshank Redemption."

"We took a cab, the driver was this kid who couldn't have been more than 14," Joanne said. He took them along these narrow roads to the town, which turned out to be a very poor area. After they saw the beach, they stopped for dinner in a restaurant, but it pushed Richie to the limit of his comfort.

"We waited for the cab (to return to their hotel) in the kitchen," she said, because Richie was concerned for their safety.

"I like to go on adventures," she said with a laugh.

And while they've known each other for 56 years, watching them together, filling in each other's thoughts, it's clear the adventure that is their life together isn't ending any time soon.

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