Toms River Family's Home Saved Through Community's Kindness

TOMS RIVER, NJ — Most years, Heather Stamatogiannis starts decorating for Halloween as soon as school starts in September.

"Halloween and Christmas are my favorite holidays," Stamatogiannis said. "This year I couldn't even think about it."

That was because Stamatogiannis, 44, and her family were facing homelessness. A deadline to pay off a $25,000 tax lien against her Toms River home was staring her in the face, and no solutions seemed to be in sight for the biggest challenge she had faced in lifetime of challenges that included caring for a significantly disabled child and becoming a widow at the age of 32.

That changed, however, when her son, Andrew Holden, started a GoFundMe campaign to try to raise the money. After we shared the family's story here on Patch, nearly 600 donors chipped in and raised more than $34,000 to help the family.

On Tuesday, her sons went to Toms River Town Hall and paid off the lien.

"Andy called me from the tax office and said, 'Mom, it’s done.' I started crying, I was so relieved," Stamatogiannis said Tuesday afternoon. "I really didn’t think this was going to be possible."

Stamatogiannis said the money that was raised above the amount needed to pay the tax lien will be used to pay off utilities that were behind as well, all of it a function of her not having an income for more than a year.

"It was incredibly overwhelming to see all these people helping us," she said. "I cannot say thank you enough."

Stamatogiannis explained more about the difficulties she has faced in the last four years. She has lupus, and in 2017 the symptoms started to become severely debilitating.

"I started having trouble walking and carrying things," she said. "I went from using a cane to having to use a wheelchair" in a matter of months.

She had been working limited hours because of the health needs of her daughter, Brianna, who is significantly disabled due to a combination of a stroke at age 17 and several other health conditions, including Down syndrome, Graves disease and epilepsy; Brianna suffered upwards of 100 seizures a day.

As her own physical issues worsened, Stamatogiannis was finally forced to quit working and apply for Supplemental Security Income, which assists those who are older, blind, or disabled and who have little or no income.

Her initial application was denied.

"They told me I could figure something out," and find a job, she said. "Sunlight and fluorescent light make me sick. I have to have assistance to use the bathroom. How is that possible?"

With no income for her, "That's when the tax payments fell behind," Stamatogiannis said.

The pandemic exacerbated issues, because with Brianna's health issues, they could not have people come to the house except her nurses.

"If she gets even a cold, she can wind up in the intensive care unit," Stamatogiannis said. "I had to stop having my aide come, so I had to buy equipment so I could do things like put on my socks."

Items they needed were ordered online. The costs added up.

It took more than a year to finally get her SSI application reviewed and approved, Stamatogiannis said, with input from doctors for the Social Security Administration, who certified that she truly was in need of help. "They said I should have been approved from the start," she said.

Because Brianna has had medical issues since she was little, including a severe seizure when she was 2 that caused brain damage, Stamatogiannis had never been able to put money aside for emergencies.

"I’ve had a lifetime of taking care of a handicapped child," Stamatogiannis said. "There's a lot insurance doesn't cover."

"You can’t work a lot of hours," she said. "You can’t work overtime because your child is severely disabled; the nurses can't just stay late."

"When I was still working, at least twice a week I would get called due to her having seizures. I'd have to leave my job to go get her," she said.

Despite Brianna having a detailed and lengthy medical history, Stamatogiannis said she has to fight with the insurance companies every three months to maintain the services Brianna receives, including nursing care 16 hours a day.

"It's a full-time job fighting the insurance companies, fighting for everything she needs," she said.

While the family receives Supplemental Security Income payments for Brianna, they were not enough, at $800 a month, to cover basic living expenses while Stamatogiannis fought to get assistance for herself. She said Holden would go to the People's Pantry for food, and friends and neighbors who knew of their predicament would stop by and share food with them.

Stamatogiannis said she was always reluctant to ask for help, "because there are people who need help who are worse off," she said.

She finally began receiving partial SSI benefits last year, and is supposed to be receiving the full $800 soon. But the year without an income was not easily overcome, and catching up on the property tax payments was continually out of reach.

Faced with losing their home, however, Stamatogiannis said she gave in when Holden said he was setting up the GoFundMe.

"I honestly didn’t imagine the GoFundMe would go anywhere," she said. "I was preparing myself to have to leave the house."

"I really didn't know what we were going to do," she said. "I didn’t see a way out. I didn’t see how we weren’t going to be homeless."

Stamatogiannis said people have asked why they don't just pack up and leave New Jersey, to get away from how expensive it is to live here.

"It's extra hard when there are disabilities involved," she said. "All of our services are set up here." Moving would mean having to get all of the services they both need arranged, particularly the ones for Brianna, and it's a monumental task when insurance companies fight what's in place now.

Then there's the matter of finding a home that could accommodate their needs.

"This house has been adapted for our wheelchairs, and for so many other things," Stamatogiannis said. "These adaptations are usually a once-in-a-lifetime shot" for insurance companies. "They're not going to pay for that repeatedly."

And there's the matter of moving expenses.

"If didn't have the money to pay the taxes, where would I get the money to move?" she said.

Stamatogiannis is still fighting to get Social Security Disability Insurance, which will help further. And Holden said there are plans in place to ensure the property taxes never fall behind again.

"I honestly thought we were going to be homeless," Stamatogiannis said. "I’m in shock at how many people reached out."

Stamatogiannis said the GoFundMe prompted so many people to reach out with words of support and kind messages. As the donation total rose, her close neighbors were following along, watching it, too.

"When it started getting close, my neighbor came running in the house crying," Stamatogiannis said. "She told me she had talked to her husband, and they wanted to make sure it reached the goal. 'You’re so close. If we have to we’ll take a loan out' to help.' "

The day it reached the $25,000 was a relief, she said. "It was even more special, because when we reached enough to pay the taxes it fell on my husband's birthday."

"We’re not the only ones going through this," she said. "There are so many people fighting similar battles. There’s so many more people out there fighting to survive."

"I always feel so guilty asking for help," Stamatogiannis said. "I always feel like no matter what we’ll figure things out."

With the taxes paid and secure in the knowledge that they are able to stay put, Stamatogiannis had Holden get the Halloween decorations down from the attic.

"I try to look at the brighter side," Stamatogiannis said. "We’ve had so many great things happen that it’s hard to be upset. Somehow everything works out. We just do one day at a time."

"It’s how we stay sane," she said.

And now her neighbors will see things return to a semblance of normal. She'll be celebrating Halloween as she always does, and Christmas will be special, too.

"I play my Christmas music as soon as Halloween is over," she said with a laugh. "Some of them tell me, 'Can't you at least wait until after Thanksgiving?' "

"I couldn’t think about the holidays coming," she said, when it appeared they would lose their home. "There was just this big empty void of fear."

"It's such relief that we at least have a home. I haven’t stopped smiling since this morning," Stamatogiannis said. "I can’t say thank you enough to everyone who helped us."

GoFundMe is a Patch promotional partner.

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