Week Of Respect, Long-Term Lessons For Bullying Prevention Month

We hope you’ve noticed over the past year that we’ve been focusing on bullying and cyberbullying, a confounding national crisis that turns youths’ lives upside down with unimaginable angst and dread, sometimes with deadly consequences. With each story, we’ve heard poignant stories from Patch readers in New Jersey and others who were bullied and overcame it, but also many who continue to struggle with the damage done by bullies to their self-esteem.

Many common threads emerged in emails from our readers: Teachers and other educators have suggested everything from first-period decompression time to classroom contracts with students on how they’re expected to treat one another. But for all the readers who said schools need to do more to foster an anti-bullying culture, as many said parents should talk more with their kids about bullying and keep closer track of their kids' social media habits.

And in a loud chorus, they said Americans need to stop wringing their hands and work at all levels to create a world safe from bullying.

That’s one of the purposes of National Bullying Prevention Month, observed annually during October to bring attention to the problem and involve people in Ocean County, in New Jersey, and nationwide in a conversation on how to create a world safe from bullying.

WEEK OF RESPECT, LONG-TERM LESSONS

October opened with the Week of Respect in schools throughout Ocean County, and every school district has had special programs to emphasize kindness and teach students to value the characteristics that make their peers special and unique.

Some of the lessons, especially for the younger children, are as simple as what was done at Emma Havens Young Elementary School in Brick, where students wore mismatched clothing to emphasize being individuals.

Others were more elaborate. At Manchester Township Elementary School, the students made paper chains during the week, each loop marking a different lesson, and the students wrote examples of what they could do that would match what they learned. On Oct. 5, they gathered to join each student's chain to the others, forming a single large chain to emphasize the unity of the school community, district officials said.

Though it's called the Week of Respect, all of the districts emphasized the messages and lessons are taught year-round.

"We have long-term programs in place in each school to support a positive school climate and anti-bullying," said Debra McKenna, assistant superintendent of the Toms River Regional School District. Those programs exist help reinforce the programs of Week of Respect and Red Ribbon Week, the annual anti-drug program at the end of October.

There also is an anti-bullying forum in the works in the district that was spearheaded by Ocean County Prosecutor Joseph Coronato and members of his office. That program is anticipated to be held in November, McKenna said.

At Berkeley Township Elementary School, the effort to reinforce the lessons isn't solely coming from the teachers and staff. The Kindness Squad of fifth- and sixth-graders promotes Project TEAM, which emphasizes helping others, positive changes, problem-solving and leadership, among other qualities. The Kindness Squad was headed to the district's other three elementary schools to share that message with younger students.

The events and lessons are extensive and intensive. Some are very individualized. Others, such as the schoolwide motto at Whiting Elementary School in Manchester, cast a wider net with a more expansive message of change. Inspired by the the organization Sandy Hook Promise, which was founded after the mass shooting in Newtown, Conn., in 2014, the message is simple: "Be The Light."

A PUBLIC HEALTH ISSUE

Once viewed as a childhood “rite of passage” that toughened kids to handle the pressures of adulthood, bullying and its more insidious digital twin, cyberbullying, is seen by many experts as a major public health issue — on par with heart disease, cancer and diabetes — with devastating and often long-term effects like the loss of self-esteem, heightened anxiety and depression.

We want to hear from you. Do you have a story to tell about bullying or cyberbullying, a suggestion about how to stem it or an event to publicize? Comment at the end of the story, or email karen.wall@patch.com and copy bullies@patch.com. You can post Bullying Prevention Month and many other events right on Patch.

Statistics vary, but an aggregate of 80 studies on bullying suggests one in five American students between 12 and 18 is bullied at some point during their middle or high school years. Traditional bullying — name calling, public humiliation, isolation, physical violence and that sort of thing — occurs most often, with 35 percent of kids reporting they’ve been targeted in one of those ways. The studies cited by the PACER Center, which established National Bullying Prevention Month, show that 15 percent of kids surveyed report being cyberbullied.

And though it occurs less often, cyberbullying — which has resulted in a disturbing string of suicides by adolescents and teenagers — is especially hard to stop. While experts say most cyberbullied kids don’t kill themselves, the long-tailed internet makes a taunt live longer than one flung on the schoolyard. Kids can escape traditional bullying in the safety of their homes, but because social media is so intertwined with how kids communicate, they never really escape it.

READ: Bullied To Death: When Kids Kill With Words

And because cyberbullies have the stealth of anonymity, “empathy tends to fade to zero,” NoBully.org founder Nicholas Carlisle told Patch.

He was knocked around 40 or so years ago as an awkward 12-year-old. The torment persisted through high school, but as tough as it was, his experience was markedly different from the torture kids endure today, he says — and it’s not just that he was attacked in a physical as opposed to online space.

“Online, you can’t see the whites of their eyes,” Carlisle said. “If you can see someone, that’s often a break upon people’s aggression — not always, but it does seem to have some break upon crossing the line.”

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The full consequences of bullying on the brain aren’t fully understood, but kids who are targeted by bullies in childhood and adolescence are at increased risk for psychological problems that can stretch into adulthood, according to experts. In the moment, bullied kids may be unable to sleep or suffer a range of stomach issues and headaches. Later on, they’re at risk for depression, anxiety, and alcohol and drug use.

OCT. 24 UNITY DAY

Among the marquee National Bullying Prevention Month activities is Unity Day, observed on Wednesday, Oct. 24, when everyone is encouraged to wear and show orange to send a message that no child should ever experience bullying.

“Orange provides a powerful, visually compelling expression of solidarity,” Paula Goldberg, the executive director of the PACER Center, said in a statement. “Whether it’s hundreds of individuals at a school wearing orange, store owners offering orange products or a community changing a landmark to orange, the vibrant statement becomes a conversation starter, sending the supportive, universal message that bullying is never acceptable behavior.”

Here’s more about Unity Day:

THE BULLY MENACE: WHAT’S AHEAD

During October and beyond, several experts have agreed to answer readers’ questions about bullying, ranging from how to keep their kids from becoming targets to what to do if their kids are the bullies. We’ll also delve into some of the issues surrounding bullying.

Take a look back at some of the stories in our series:

• America’s Shameful Truth About School Shooters And Bullying
• They All Failed Changed Child: Malden Bullying Detailed
• Bullies, Their Targets The Same In A Surprising Number Of Cases
• ‘Everyday, I Wear Your Words,’ Teen Tells Bullies In Video
• Teen’s ‘I Wear Your Words’ Video Inspires Nashville Songwriters
• Bullying Of Mallory Grossman, 12, Spelled Out In Wrongful Death Lawsuit
• Poetry Teacher Helps Bullied Kids Open Their Tortured Minds
• Why These Kindergartners Start Each Day With A Simple Handshake

If you have a question or want to share your story, please email bullies@patch.com.

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