Ramapo Remembers 'Barry:' A Friend to All

In the often volatile environment of high school, for growing, impressionable minds, Bared "Barry" Dabaghian was a friend. Whether to issue advice or just lend an ear or shoulder, Barry was there.  

Universally loved by faculty, staff and above all, students, Dabaghian, the jovial security guard at Ramapo High School, passed away early this month. He leaves behind his wife of 43 years, Carol, their children Karyn and Glen, and grandchildren Kyle, Karson and Grant.

"Barry was a beloved member of our staff. Students admired him for the respect that he showed them. They responded with the same respect," said Ramapo High School principal Dr. Louis Moore.

His passing prompted a tremendous outpouring of emotions from the greater Ramapo community, as they remembered the times they had with the always-smiling man all knew simply as "Barry."

That love is quite evident, as emphasized by the tremendous participation on Barry's R.I.P. Facebook page—now over 1,300 strong—where students, faculty, family and friends share stories and remember the man who made a tremendous impact on all those he knew. And he knew many.

"Barry touched thousands of lives on a daily basis. He knew by name almost every student at Ramapo High School, past and present. He also knew every faculty and staff member's names," said Pamela Pappas, a mathematics teacher who had known Dabaghian for years.

Why Barry had such an impact appears quite simple: he took the time to know people, and he employed the 'Golden Rule,' a self-code he brought to the school when he was hired in 2003.

According to Pappas, Dabaghian was a personable man, an individual always willing to take time out to talk to others. Still, he took his responsibilities seriously and commanded respect. That respect was reciprocated.

"The students respected Barry, and knew there was a line and not to cross it. With Barry, it was always about the students. Barry loved working at Ramapo High School. RHS was his home away from home," Pappas said. "We will miss him for years to come."

Though he was entrusted to ensure security at the school, a position that often draws the ire of students, Dabaghian was always seen as a fair, judicious arbiter. "Even when he did reprimand you he seemed sincere and almost half-joking. To me, he seemed like a good guy that enjoyed helping and being around us kids,'" recalled Doug Smith, a 2005 graduate.

For students, Dabaghian truly was a uniting figure, a man who understood how difficult high school can be for everyone, and by simply being genuine, he brought calm and stability. It's the sort of thing that can't be quantified, but something that itself can be the difference in a student manifesting emotions and stumbling, and someone learning how to cope and prosper. How many courses he reversed we'll never know.

To Zack Moore, now a student at the University of Rhode Island, Barry saw no labels, and this helped shape the connectivity at the school. Dabaghian held a special place among those at the school for a very simple reason—he treated all as their own special individual, even students that had trouble adjusting to the social and academic rigors of high school.

Students who felt alone knew they weren't. "The (Facebook) posts are a testament to how important he made everyone feel, because I knew him and I had a great relationship, but to see those posts made me realize that I wasn't the only one he had a great bond with," Moore said. "A lot of the kids that are writing on there (the Facebook wall) were kids that didn't have the best relationships with teachers. (But) he really was a great guy who never judged kids."

Dabaghian also had a diverse career before becoming a member of the Ramapo community. He served in the Army, later assembled electronic components for helicopter navigation and spacecraft guidance systems for the Kearfott Corporation in Paterson and Clifton, and owned a Hallmark card and gift business—Cards Etc.—with his wife for 38 years.

He also was a very active member of St. Leon's Armenian Church in Fair Lawn. Father Dirhan Bohajian, St. Leon's pastor, says he's thankful for just having met Barry. "He just a very generous, faithful, warm Christian who was willing to help and serve whenever called upon," the priest said.

"I've been here as the priest for a little over 10 years," Bohajian said. "He was very approachable, and you could speak to him about anything."

Most fondly remember Barry for his power with the megaphone, particularly during lunch period. "Barry will go down in Ramapo history for his megaphone skills. Barry would ring the megaphone the last five minutes of each lunch period to signal to the students to clean off their tables. Barry would finish the megaphone ring with a special signal. We all will think of Barry as the 'lunch time megaphone master," Pappas said.

Dabaghian's widow, Carol Dabaghian, came by the school to return his walkie-talkie, a touching moment for her and students, who greeted her with a thunderous applause during a lunch period.

Many students and faculty came to pay respects to Dabaghian at his funeral, which was held at St. Leon's, a sign of how valuable Barry had been to the community in his seven years there.

To commemorate Dabaghian's life and role with students, a scholarship in his memory has been created at Ramapo, a fund Moore said the family will have great involvement in.

But former student Zack Moore would like to see things go even further. "There really should be an award given out to a teacher who displays the most 'Barry' throughout the school year," he said.

"I can't find the perfect words to describe him, but a goal for the teachers to try and be as much like Barry as possible would make the school, any school, a better place," Moore said.

If you'd like to make a donation in the memory of Bared "Barry" Dabaghian, scholarship donations can be written out to The Barry Dabaghian Scholarship Fund, in the care of Ramapo High School, 331 George St., Franklin Lakes, NJ 07417. Donations can also be made to St. Leon's Armenian Church in Fair Lawn at 12-61 Saddle River Road, Fair Lawn, NJ, 07410.