Teens and Anxiety- Part 2

What can we, as parents do to help our teen who struggles with anxiety?

Many parents enter my office asking for specific strategies to help their child. They often feel helpless, “clueless,” and distraught that their child is suffering and they do not know what to do to help. They try talking with them, reasoning, coming up with solutions to their child’s problem. 

One suggestion I often give, which might sound so simple, but is so powerful, is to listen to your child. “What? Listen?” That’s the advice you give? some might ask. “Of course I listen to my child when they complain or cry or whine or yell. I even listen when they talk calmly about their worries. It doesn’t seem to help!” 

When I say listen, it is not only hearing the words your child is saying but also listening to the feelings and thoughts that are hiding behind the words of frustration, stress and anger (I’m no good,” “I’m worried I’ll never get all my work done.”) Focusing on their feelings and reflecting them, (“I can see how frustrated and stressed you are. It must be so overwhelming and scary to have that much homework to do with seemingly not enough time in the day.”) can make a difference in the response you get from your teen. 

If you use examples of specifics they talk about (e.g. Mrs. Smith sure gives a lot of homework. I wonder why she feels you need to write an essay and complete those 5 worksheets between now and Wednesday. I wonder if she realizes how much time that will take.”) it shows your teen that you are focused on what they are saying. They are not always looking for us to give them the solutions although of course it might feel like they want us to just “fix” it all. Giving the solution that you feel will be best might not be what they think is best, and our job as parents of teens is to start allowing them to make more of their own decisions and  to be able to cope with future stressors that will surely come along in their lives. It is the healthier strategies to handling stress that we as parents should attempt to teach our children. 

Look tomorrow for some helpful strategies to teach your child how to cope with stress. 

Important Notice: The information presented below is provided for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for consulting a psychologist or other mental health professional to discuss your unique situation. If you would like to talk with me about it, you may call my office at 914-329-5355.