Montauk Sweethearts Married 39 Years Share Secrets to Longtime Love

EAST HAMPTON, NY- Every single Valentine’s Day, Edward Porco sends his wife Joan flowers. And this year, she gave him a beautifully wrapped box of his favorite chocolates from the Candy Man in Orient, along with a card inscribed “To the Man I Love.”

Love and romance are very much alive for the sweethearts, who lived in Montauk for 46 years before moving to Peconic Landing in Greenport three years ago.

And this week, just in time for Valentine’s Day, the lifetime lovebirds shared their secrets for keeping their romance blossoming over decades.

Walking into their beautifully decorated apartment, the walls are covered with photographs and paintings, the doorway adorned with masks, all representing the many destinations they’ve visited, each evoking a vivid memory.

Also framed in their home is a poem Joan, 86, wrote for Edward, 85, on their fifth anniversary, entitled “Celebration,” a loving homage. ”There is no time as precious as this. There is no person as treasured as you,” the poem begins.

“I think we’re a special kind of couple,” Joan said.

Humor, Independence Hallmarks of Strong Union

The union is a second marriage for both Joan and Edward; they’ve known one another since 1959, when they met at a New Year’s Eve party in Port Washington, where they both lived at the time. Their first conversation was an argument about interracial housing, they said, smiling.

They were both married to others but later, after both were divorced, the pair found true love in one another and married in 1977.

“I didn’t particularly look for it, but it was waiting for me,” Joan said.

Sitting next to one another, Joan and Edward hug, hold hands, laugh often, and complete one another’s sentences.

The second time around, Edward said the course of love was easier to navigate. “Having been married before, we both realized what was wrong” during the first unions, he said. Now, he said, they’ve learned the lessons to nurturing an enduring relationship. “Not only do we love each other, but we respect each other,” he said. “We’re individuals, and we don’t want to be incorporated into each other. We’re very different people.”

But together, they’ve shared “wonderful experiences,” Joan said, traveling the world, hiking — Edward was a longtime leader at the East Hampton Trails Preservation Society — and setting of hand-in-hand on adventures.

Hiking trips he’s organized across the world have brought them to Italy, Croatia, England, Patagonia, New Zealand, and the Grand Canyon; together, they set off for Turkey, Kenya, the Galapagos and Egypt.

“We love traveling,” Edward said.

Living in Montauk, Joan said, was the “most wonderful part of our lives.” She, too, is well-known on the South Fork as a writer, columnist and psychotherapist.

Joan, beautifully dressed in royal blue with a signature silver pin, said couples can be different but still grow together. “We can disagree, but we can find a way to work through it,” she said. “It’s not personal.”

Having a sense of humor, both agree, helps.

Thick photo albums, containing photos of their four children — each have two from their first marriages — fill shelves in the living room, along with framed photos of their children and grandchildren. A rich painting created by their granddaughter also hangs on the wall.

Their shared passion for classical music is a tie that binds —  Joan’s son has even sung at Carnegie Hall.

Sharing the Joy

Blessed by love, the couple also gives back, helping to make sandwiches for the homeless at John’s Place in Greenport. At Peconic Landing, Edward is a teacher in the Lifetime Learning program and Joan writes for the newsletter; both are docents for the sculpture garden.

When asked for tips on sustaining a longtime relationship, Edward joked, “I just say ‘yes.’”

Both agree they haven’t ever truly argued. “Maybe the aging process is a positive thing,” he said.

But when they first met, she was a “rabid Democrat and I was a Republican committeeman,” Edward said. “After 26 years of being married I became a Democrat and her son said, ‘It took you that long to convince him?’ We’ve eliminated a lot of discussion just being on the right side of politics.”

The big decisions, however, such as moving to Peconic Landing, have been shared. “We were on the same page,” Edward said.

And both agree that waiting to marry is critical. “Don’t get married until you’re 40. Then you know something,” Edward said. “The tendency is to swallow the other person because you love them so much, but we feel very strongly that we each have our own private spaces.”

Although they love the North Fork, the pair still heads back to Montauk to see old friends and socialize.

Reflecting on their favorite memories, Joan said Machu Picchu in the Galapagos was a ”sublime experience.”

But, she added, “It’s the sharing of it that’s the joy. We’ve just been so happy. We’ve had difficulties and differences, like humans have, but we’re very fortunate.”

Together, they have a love that’s defined their shared lifetime.

“He’s the most important part of my life,” Joan said.

Edward took his wife’s hand. “She completes me.”