Protecting Yourself from the Epidemic of Toxic People

There seems to be no shortage of abusers among us. If they happen to be our spouses, lovers, friends, co-workers, children, neighbors, and/or our bosses, then avoiding these people can be damn near impossible, but that doesn’t mean we have to let them get the best of us, and it certainly doesn’t mean we have to catch their negativity, even though they try really hard to contaminate our lives with their manipulative plots and ploys.

All abusive people, no matter who they are, possess similar personality traits, and here’s my top ten list:

1. They seem to be natural born liars, and their ability to manipulate others with their host of lies is astounding.

2. Nothing is ever their fault; no, according to them, it’s always somebody else’s fault.

3. They never take responsibility for anything and have mastered the art of passing the buck.

4. Their ability to re-write history, and to re-tell this version with a straight face and with utter conviction, really could win them an academy award, unfortunately this fictionalized version of themselves also helps them to ace job interviews, pass lie detector tests, win friends, elections, and lawsuits. It’s amazing how often toxic people find themselves in positions of power.

5. The horrifying truth is that these narcissistic, egotistical people can even convince themselves that things happened the way they say they did.

6. They seem to show little remorse for their actions, and their lack of shame for their awful behaviors can leave us dumbfounded.

7. They will stop at nothing to get what they want and walking all over people and taking prisoners is just par for the course.

8. Some toxic people can stay calm, cool, and collected as they gun us down, and they love to sit back, relax, and watch us fall apart.

9. Other abusive people love having meltdowns and temper tantrums that scare us as bad as if a tornedo just hit the house.

10. Abusive people can be extremely charming at times, as they woo us, and wow us, and later on, when their true colors surface we’re left dazzled and confused, if not heart-broken, beaten, and bankrupt.

What’s a good person to do, in a bad, bad, bad, bad world? With manipulative people, you have to learn to play poker face, and you have to learn how to bluff. If you show them your hand, they’ll easily figure out how to outsmart you and screw you over. Learning to be strategic with these kinds of toxic people is necessary to ensure your own survival. Toxic people want you to lose it. They want you to tell-all, and then they’ll twist and turn what you’ve said, until they’ve hung you with your own words. They want to intimidate, control, and take advantage of you. They want you to be at their mercy and beck and call. They love making good people’s lives hell on earth.

When dealing with manipulative people, you need to control your emotions. Don’t take these people and their harsh, evil words and deeds personally. It’s not about you. It’s always about them. Gather your facts and keep a clear head when you’re dealing with these people, and don’t let them convince you that you’re wrong. Learn to trust your gut and to follow it.

Finally, by all means, don’t think for one minute that the best course of action when dealing with the abusers of the world is the old- if-you-can’t-beat-them-join-them thing. What the world needs now is most definitely not another toxic time bomb just waiting to explode.

Cindi Sansone-Braff , the Romance Whisperer, is the author of Grant Me a Higher Love, and Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships.