Professionals Propose a Kinder, Gentler Divorce

Breaking up is hard to do. But when a husband and wife dissolve their marriage through collaborative divorce, a relatively new, non-litigation process, the ordeal can be much less painful for both parties and their children.

In collaborative divorce, the spouses are represented by their own attorneys, but the attorneys work as a team, together with mental health counselors and financial specialists, to help the couple arrive at an acceptable resolution. The process has been available in the New York area for more than five years, but it has not gained broad recognition among the general population.

To get the word out to both consumers and the professional community, nine Long Island professionals recently joined forces to launch Collaborative Dispute Resolutions, which is based in Westbury. The group is comprised of five independent attorneys, one financial specialist and three mental health counselors, including Neil S. Grossman, Ph.D., who practices in Dix Hills.

All of the members have been trained in the collaborative method and all have many years of professional experience.

The group was organized partly in response to the need of many divorcing couples to contain the legal costs involved in dissolving their marriage.

"During these difficult financial times, the collaborative process gives the divorcing couple much more control over the amount of money spent on the divorce process," said Charles McEvily, Esq., a founding attorney of CDR.

"With the cooperation of both the husband and the wife and the transparent exchange of financial information that is required in the collaborative process, costs can be contained."

Attorneys who represent couples in a collaborative divorce sign an agreement that states they can not represent their clients should the proceedings go to trial. This commitment to settle the divorce without litigation helps keep the costs down.

According to a 2008 article in The Wall Street Journal, collaborative divorce usually costs less than $20,000, vs. $27,000 for the average divorce negotiated by rival attorneys or $78,000 for a divorce that goes to trial.

However, more than financial, the major benefit of collaborative divorce is that it helps limit hostility and takes a lesser toll on the family.

"Having conducted many child custody evaluations and having helped many families recover from the trauma of a divorce, I knew there had to be a better way," said Grossman. "We are trying to inform people that they have a choice in the way they divorce. Ending a marriage does not have to be a winner-take-all contest. We want to change the culture of divorce."

Collaborative lawyers view the other attorney not as an adversary but as a partner in a problem-solving process. The attorneys do not take advantage of mistakes made by the other side, and they do not threaten, insult or focus on the negative, thus fostering a civil, constructive atmosphere.

Often in divorce, one partner decides that the marriage is over, and the other has no choice but to accept it. The mental health counselors work with the spouse whose world has been turned upside down to help him or her accept what is happening and prepare for life after divorce. Mediation, in which the divorcing couple communicates with a neutral third party to guide their discussions, is similar in some ways to collaborative divorce. However, it differs in that the mediator is often not an attorney, and while he may provide the spouses with legal information, he may not give legal advice to either of them.

CDR has scheduled an open forum/discussion about divorce in Dix Hills for Friday, Sept. 24, from 7 to 8:30 p.m. A psychologist and an attorney will discuss and answer questions about divorce, post-divorce conflict and parenting issues in families where there has been a divorce. This is an opportunity to become informed about the legal issues common in most divorces.

Additionally, CDR is planning to launch a blog called The Smarter Divorce.

In addition to McEvily, the founding attorneys of CDR are Neil Cahn, Esq., Latonia Early-Hubelbank, Esq., Lloyd M. Friedland, Esq. and Harriette M. Steinberg, Esq. The mental health professionals, in addition to Grossman, are Harry Grabarz, Ph.D., and Roxane Polak, Ph.D. Nancy Kaye Kirsch, a certified financial planner practitioner and investment advisor representative, is the group's founding financial professional.

For more information, visit www.cdrli.com.