Is That a Gun In Your Pocket?

Just recently, it occurred to me that I knew nothing about the legal use of firearms in Harrison. Around the same time that my neighbor started blasting that new song, "Party Rock Anthem."

So, this may not be a coincidence.

This made me think I needed to look up the town ordinances about guns and such. Not to mention the connection between dance music and justifiable homicide. 

Here's what I found:

The purpose of these laws, of course, is to protect the citizens of Harrison. And due to the fact that our area is "densely populated," it means that our gun laws must be strict. However, with so many people blasting "Party Rock Anthem," the term "dense population" takes on a completely new meaning. So, there are loopholes galore here.

It's also illegal to discharge a firearm within the town limits, while yelling "Yee-Haw!" This shall be known, hereinafter, as "The Yosemite Sam Law."

Boy, Warner Brothers gets their hands on everything sooner or later.

In addition, it's illegal to "cause" someone to discharge a "firearm, air-gun, or any other weapon," at any person or their property. Now, in my case, you can probably start with a prop gun, where that flag comes out that says "Bang!" I'll probably settle down right quick after that.

If not, you can move on to the air-gun. 

There are, of course, a number of exceptions to these local gun laws.

For instance, these rules rarely apply to a member or a guest at a gun club or a shooting range. A rule which may change soon. Too many mobsters have been taking informants out to gun clubs, introducing them as their "guests" and then whacking them.

And worse? Before the guest have a chance to sample the buffet!

Before the "proposed use of firearms," you must file a bond with the town attorney. If the paperwork is taking too long, you may want to ask the town attorney if he'd like to be a "guest" at your gun club. Which usually hurries the paperwork right along.

Also, the chief of police may permit the "discharge of projectile firing," on your property, in some cases. Usually, for some sort of public ceremony, if it seems legitimate.

But no more requests for bridge openings, especially if they're on your front lawn. The clerk will probably just laugh and hang up the phone.

The fines for illegal use of a firearm, are usually not less than $100 or more than $250, per offense. But it's a whole different deal if when the police come you're not out of ammunition—and you're feeling ornery.

Then, the cops will usually say the fine is 200 even. And, of course, they'll give it to you in cash. Very carefully.