What I Cannot Tell You About Working as a U.S. Census Enumerator

During my job search I have fantasized about having a government gig perhaps protected by the Civil Service Employees Association, little to no stress, little to no thinking, a paycheck with guaranteed increases, crazy concepts like longevity pay and work hours that are better than those enjoyed by the French (these people are out of there by 4:30 p.m.).  A job like that gives you a lot of time to spend on everything except work.  Not such a bad life, I imagine.

Okay, so there are few six-figure salaries, no glamorous perks like seats in your company's corporate box at Yankee Stadium, no U.S. Open parties, no parties on a studio back lot, and definitely no hobnobbing with celebrities or trade shows in Cannes. Hey, I've worked in entertainment, and we may not get multi-million dollar bonuses, but it has its upside.

Well, I got a taste of a government worker's life during my few months as a U.S. Census enumerator, and now not only has the part-time, temporary job and its small but welcome paychecks ended, but my romantic fantasy of a new life in a simple safe job has gone where most fantasies must: into the garbage heap of reality. I have quite a bit to say about my Census work, but after receiving a Confidentiality and Ethics Reminder with my last pay stub, I've decided to refrain ... Somewhat.

The letter talks about prohibitions on the disclosure of any "non-public information that is protected by statute" and warns that "any wrongful disclosure of confidential census information subjects you to a fine of up to $250,000," imprisonment of up to 5 years, or both. 

Now, as rebellious as is my nature, I'm unemployed and the $18.25 an hour I made definitely won't pay that fine, and if I'm in jail I can't look for a new job. I don't have the time, energy or frankly the passion to find out if what I would like to tell you about is protected by a statute because, after many months of working for the government, I know there is a statute for just about everything.  There are procedures for procedures and rules about the rules and all of them change frequently, sometimes just moments after you've been told what they are. 

I can tell you that the economy and unemployment levels gave the Department of Commerce the best educated, accomplished and professional work force in Census history. Despite that influx of talent, the Census, which is run, ironically, by the U.S. Department of Commerce, still manages to make haste, waste and havoc, and fails to use the potentially efficient and arguably intelligent workforce to its advantage.

The first Census enumeration took place in 1790, and if you thought the government had Six Sigma'd this a long time ago, think again.  If the whole operation wasn't so tragically inept, it would be funny, and if it wasn't so funny, it would be tragic, and thus it is both.   

I have some funny stories and met some fantastic people, both fellow enumerators and enumeratees, and some who were not so much.  Hands down, my team's favorite refusal was by the elderly homeowner who responded to our inquiry about the Census Day status of the residence by shaking his finger in our face, throwing up his hands and yelling in heavily accented English, "Why You Care?" over and over again.  After days of trekking through neighborhood after neighborhood in 90 plus degree heat, that was a really good question.

Despite the loss of the tiny cash flow, I am excited to have my Census hours back, and I plan to use them super productively.  I pledge to fully focus  on my job search for a position in the private sector,  get into the city for networking meetings more often,  give my house a solid fall cleaning and purge  (I'm currently all about minimizing -  might be those episodes of Hoarders I  watch when unemployment  anxiety insomnia finds me awake at 2 a.m.) and I can write—this column and anything else that is not related the 2010 U.S. Census.   

With everything the Census has to worry about, you would think that the last thing on their list would be to Google ex-enumerators' stories about their personal experiences, but I wouldn't count on it  After all, now that the Census is over, all those Civil Service workers have time on their hands.  It is no irony that Census Day, the date selected as the official reference point for census household status, is April 1.

Mindy Gibson has worked in broadcast media through most of her career, primarily as a television programming executive launching three networks, including Telemundo and USA Network's cable channels in Latin America and Brazil.  Her column, Career Interrupted, will appear twice a month on Rye Patch and Larchmont-Mamaroneck Patch.