The World According to Janie G.: Missing Sock Syndrome

Missing Sock Syndrome

There is something that happens it seems quite bizarre,

It’s called "Missing Sock Syndrome,"

One we’ve all had I’m sure,

How two of one kind could return just as one,

Is something I just can’t seem to get a grasp on?

Has this ever happened to you? You do the laundry, you put matched pairs of socks into the washer and dryer, and when they come out of either machine you are left with only one of each sock.

How could that be? Were they kidnapped and being held hostage somewhere, perhaps in a secret compartment of the dryer waiting for Navy Seals to come to their rescue? Or, are they all being detained in the washing machine, somewhere in Agitator Alley, waiting for ransom to be paid? Picture this, a detention camp deep inside the agitator of the washing machine where all these single socks of different colors are being held  in different cells just waiting to be freed. I can picture Queen of the Panty Hose heading up the security detail in there and keeping them all in line.

You know, in this day and age there is a syndrome for everything. I call this "Missing Sock Syndrome." I’ve had this discussion with many people over the years, and no one really had a good explanation. That is until I spoke about this with my boss, Tom P.  

Tom is a well-respected attorney. I’m not even sure how this came up with him in a conversation, but it did. Could it be the fact that he has four children, and helps out around the house? I don’t know. Usually a conversation with Tom goes like this: Tom speaks in legalese at about 45 miles an hour, and then I have to call Hofstra, his alma mater, and ask for an interpreter to dissect the conversation that we just had. After doing that, then I go back to his office and give him my rebuttal. You can imagine my surprise by the explanation that followed.

Anyway, here is his theory: "When they are put into the wash,” according to Tom, " they enter 'The Altar of the Washing Machine.' Then they go through hell together in the dryer.” Okay, Tom, but how does that explain only one emerging from the dryer?  Is there some symbolism here? Is it like the survival of the fittest? I’m sure a therapist could have a field day with this.
Even my husband, who was a counter intelligence agent in the Army back in the day, has not been able to crack the case. All he says is, “How can it be that socks could be lost from one floor of the house to another?”

I’ve tried to get him to set up a surveillance of the situation, but at 6’2”, doing a stakeout in either the washer or dryer would present major logistical problems for him. My feelings on the subject are, most of them are your socks, you’re a trained investigator, you need to find them. My husband was not impressed. His solution, he just keeps going out and buying new pairs of socks.

Okay, guys, I’m open for suggestions on this one. Let me hear what you think … please.