Never too

Age has many unexpected pitfalls. They arrive unexpectedly providing new challenges daily.

Those, of course, that are health oriented, are not surprising and well documented.

It is the others; those that are unrecognized until they surface at weird moments.

Mine came today as I was complacently enjoying a second cup of coffee.

It arrived at my “special” time, the 30 odd minutes of my day that I have savored for most of my adult life.

It begins after my “healthy breakfast” and meaningful meditation, and quick perusal of email and headlines. I never let the TV or radio interfere with my mental equilibrium until later in the day.

I then open my list of “MUSTs.” The routine of self pronounced commands has been a vital ingredient in my world as long as I can remember.

Some days it is long with reminders of social engagements or doctor’s visits, or mandates about chores. But I have learned to rely heavily on my self prescribed routine.

It traveled with me throughout the decades, some joyful and glorious as well as sad and sorrowful.

Until today,

When I had no “Musts.” Absolutely nothing I had to do.

And for the first time in memory, I knew I was old, and needed to rely on the crutch of being needed to maintain any pretense of independence.

It also provided a jolt to my increasing self indulgent choices of “Until tomorrow’s,” that are merely disguises of relinquishing “musts” and eventually putting them into the trash file on my Ipad.

Well, I admit now that yes, I am old, but I also strongly believe you are never too old to learn a lesson.

And this morning I did.

I will relinquish the list of “Musts,” and replace it with “Could's,” and hopefully both of us will survive at least for the immediate future.