Such Was

Sometimes when the moon is dark, or the rain doesn’t seem romantic, I tread a darker path than is healthy and gratefully, not a normal occurrence much of the time,

Such was yesterday. And complicated by a wounded index finger, allowing me to comprehend the value of such a ringless digit. Then I realize with a pang, I have never quire appreciated having 9 companions for the injured forefinger.

Momentarily I throught briefly about all the other things I have relinquished, all once part of my yesterdays including an agile index finger.

Without touching on the loss of love, I still felt the cold chill of depression and self pity beginning to knock on my heart’s door. Then I realized, for everything that has left, there has been a plus, an unexpected joy as well as wonderful additions to my solitary world despite the trauma when my life changed.

While I do miss (admittedly a frivolity) shopping for makeup (especially eye shadows) in an upscale venue. I have other amazing new activities In my world, notably, a monthly luncheon at a local Elks Club, with several dozen interesting and welcoming companions.

Although I no longer shop, dine or visit with my amazing clan, all far flung across our beautiful country, I am proud of one and all, their accomplishments, and their unexpected choices in a far different world than their Dad and I knew.

They visit with daily phone calls, email and IPad camera, and Wow, the new additions are a beautiful group. Each distinctive, in heritage, ethnicity and possibilities. I never expected they would join me in this amazing world of opportunity.

One shares a Sunday with me; another asks questions remembering my last visit, and then, there is an even newer generation. They visit via Christmas cards, including updated photos, and I can see a resemblance to those I once loved in days gone by. I believe they are carrying the torch of yesterdays.

And no, I no longer hop on a plane (thanks to my husband’s careers) and travel to exotic places. I am incredibly well cared for by a dedicated staff. I have been shielded from the fear of isolation that plagued me after I became the lone inhabitant in a once crowded home.

When I add my list and match the pros and cons, there is no doubt the pros have a majority.
That column is headed with a beautiful wedding that I was blessed to attend. Although I will ever regret those I missed, I rejoice in the ones where I was included and remembered. For this I am thankful.

I gave up holidays with many of those I loved, but I am gifted with an assortment of daily and weekly phone calls splashed with visits, notably the distinct pleasure of still spending Sunday with a loved one.

Suddenly, the falling rain becomes a soothing gossamer veil permitting a clearer view that allows me to remember the blessings which far outweigh the nebulous negatives.