A Surprising

I once thought the loss of pain would be a blessing.

Today I am not quite certain any more.

Of course, there are many kinds of pain, physical, emotional and undoubtedly, spiritual.

The pain that has ebbed in my life is one due to loss.

However, it was a rupture I once believed could be remedied and repaired.

My sorrow is due to a terminated relationship

It is also one I believed was beyond destruction.

However, I was wrong, and it has taken me more than a decade to admit my error.

Despite all efforts to rebuild communication, I finally must admit defeat.

Today when questioned by a relative about the well known familial issue, I became suddenly aware the pain had disappeared.

I was surprised and not pleasantly.

What is left, is a vacuum, a nothingness, a void.

Sadly, I now realize the absence is worse than the searing wound I have felt for the past 15 years.

Possibly because the nothingness is wrapped in anguish beyond description.

I have acquaintances who have experienced the same type of loss. Apparently, It is not unusual for some bizarre reason in many families.

My contemporaries are far more stoic. They discuss their losses with decisive adjectives and a comprehension of defeat.

I have not been able to reach that plateau of emotion, nor do I wish I could.

I know now the pain was cathartic because it kept any remote vestige of hope alive.

However, because that seems to have disappeared, I must acknowledge defeat.

I pray, however, I will never forget the love that existed before the loss.

Perhaps it may help me to heal, but I doubt it.

I don’t believe that will ever be possible.