Then and Now

When I was young and seventeen, I learned the value of having an older friend. We both began our employment with Hearst Newspapers the same week, and soon were occupying adjacent cubicles in the Flagstone Building on West 57th Street.

On the surface Grace and I had little in common, except that we were both graduates of Katie Gibbs. She was 28, married, and had recently returned to NY when her husband was discharged from the Coast Guard. I was excited about my new job, and had few serious thoughts other than what would I wear to the next Saturday night dance and perhaps an upcoming weekend at the shore.

For some obscure reason we bonded immediately, and within a short time she became my best friend. A relationship that would endure for most of my adult life.

Without taking on the role of a mentor, Grace introduced me to the incredible writings of Brian Moore, suggested I see the Broadway production of T. S. Eliot's "THE COCKTAIL PARTY, and aware of my hesitation, encouraged me to pursue evening college classes. One rainy lunch hour as we shared a pot of tea and tuna fish sandwiches at Schrafft's, she told me sternly, "One day you will realize money matters." I didn't appreciate her advice that day, but years later often recalled her words of wisdom.

It was at her suggestion ten years later that my husband and I began house hunting in Massapequa where she and John, her husband, had settled. And, of course, all of that was a very long time ago.

Now the pendulum of time has moved forward, and I find myself in the position of being blessed with a young friend, a vital asset to those of us who have moved on in years. The other evening I was surrounded with Jean's peer group who had graciously included me in a fund raising event. As I listened to their conversation, I was disturbed.

The group I shared the evening with was composed of hardworking individuals. Each of the women have held full time jobs most of their lives, as has my daughter. They have contributed not only to the wellbeing of their families and children, but society. All are active in charitable endeavors and have been since they left their teen years.

Their children are now young adults, either finishing college or married. It should be a time when as parents they can relax, enjoy grandchildren, and possibly consider the prospect of retirement within the next decade, as Grace and I were privileged to do.

Unfortunately, that was not the projection I heard from any of this age faction. Instead their conversational focus was on financial concerns, not only relating to job security as they face the prospect of companies folding, being sold or outsourced, but also the extra burden of not having healthcare until they reach the age of social security. I was aghast when several of the participants casually quoted the cost of their health premiums. At one point the conversation shifted to a mutual friend who had recently uprooted his family from Nassau County to Texas due to a financially mandated career change.

Sitting on the sidelines listening, I remembered my older and wiser friend, and wished I had some sage advice to offer, but I do not. I also remembered Grace and John working hard and living the American Dream, as have I. However, this no longer seems to be the future forecast for the young friends I am blessed to have in my life. And that is quite sad, and possibly what accounts for the amazing voter turnout in the current Primary elections.