Risky Business

I am not a business person.  When I hear about gains and losses, I immediately think about my temperamental scale and the advice “if you have to be weighed, do it first thing in the morning.”  When I hear about being “in the red,” or “in the black,” I always think, “go with black, its slimming and looks good on everybody.”  The only cover up strategy I am familiar with is Revlon Colorsilk (#33), and as far as the “bottom line” goes, I learned to camouflage that with clothing ages ago.   

I have never seen a celebrity or politician allow their lack of knowledge on a subject to hinder them from voicing opinions, so despite my lack of business acumen I will share with you my five point business plan for keeping my business (which is actually my household) afloat.

1. Mind your own.  Business, that is.  Sounds simple enough, it is not.   If you spend your energy and resources looking around and talking about what others are doing then you’re not getting much done. I’ll allow an exception for this if you tune in to check out the nauseating reality TV shows such as Honey Boo Boo. While I have never actually seen this show I can only imagine it would instantly make me feel better about my kids and myself.

2. Do your job. Amazing how tasks, like say balancing a federal budget, don’t get done. Why not?  It’s kind of what those people are paid to do. If you followed the example of our politicians and spent all your time talking about the job, debating the job, delaying the job, and basically ignoring the job, guess what? You didn’t do the job. I should know, my sink is full of dishes that I am right now ignoring and they don’t appear to be cleaning themselves despite my sincere wishes and assurances that they must be cleaned.

3. Make it fun.  Business is just that, business. Otherwise it would be called Saturday.  So when you are getting down to business do things to make it more enjoyable.  My kids and I spent an entire grocery trip walking around with a “bag of shame” (a pilfered produce bag).  Each of us was given a task to find a different item, if you got the item wrong or were the last to return with it, then you had to walk around with the bag of shame over your hand. We looked like fools mind you.  But the job was done correctly and efficiently, with minimal complaints.  And trust me when I shop with my kids “complaint” is generally the theme song.

4. Someone has to be boss. In my business that’s me. People have to be accountable for their jobs. Luckily though, my “business” is run like a benevolent dictatorship. Which is why someone else is now cleaning the previously mentioned dishes.  

5. Come up with a plan.  And then toss it.  You can’t really plan for what life will throw at you from one day to the next.  Business like life is dynamic. What worked for you yesterday might not cut it next week.  Try getting your daughter to wear an outfit from last year.

I don’t expect an award from the Merrick Chamber of Commerce for my 5-point business plan. My award is it maintains my personal mission statement.  My personal mission being "To provide parental oversight over two educated, clothed, fed children that will not become reality TV stars while residing in a dwelling that is clean or at least still standing at the end of the day.