Husband's battle with Alzheimer's spurs caregiver to activism

For Town of Crawford resident Gail Jeter, the first sign something was amiss with her husband, Richard Jeter, now 72, was when he unexpectedly decided to retire early from his job in the clinic at Harlem Hospital at age 65.

“Although he had a few more years to work, he was not willing to put in a few more years. He didn’t work until he was 70, so he didn’t get Medicaid,” she said.

Following the early retirement, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, and Gail Jeter said he started getting a lot of traffic tickets. Over time, the driving-related incidents became more serious and frequent. One day, she received a call that her husband had been in an accident.

“He came home unscathed, but the car was pretty much totaled, and that surprised me,” she recalled.

Yet, despite the accident, he wanted to continue driving.

“I hid the keys,” Jeter said. “I went to the Motor Vehicle Department. The doctor did fill out a form saying that he should not have a license, but that did not stop him from driving.”

Their two dogs escaping out their front door as a guest arrived prompted another incident.

“My husband jumped in the car and drove off looking for them. Then I hear police sirens, so I called the police station and asked if it were something to do with him.”

The police confirmed it was her husband. Gail Jeter found him at a house down the road, arm-in-arm with an officer who was helping him out of the car. He had driven the car into a marsh in the backyard, where it had become stuck.

“I reached into his coat pocket and took his keys, and when he asked for them the next day, I told him they must have been dropped in the mud,” Jeter recalled.

But even a keyless car didn’t stop him from taking the wheel again.

“I bought a car that was keyless. The older keyless cars would not go if you stepped on the brake unless you had the key,” Jeter said. “I had to go get some medicine; I let him sit in the car and listen to music. I took the bag with the key into the store, thinking that if he tried to drive without the key, he would brake, and the car would stop, but I was wrong. When I came out, he was gone. I called the police. They came, and I explained what happened. We went up 17K looking for him; He had driven up 17K and had turned around and was coming back. There were a few police cars that had stopped him.”

A surveillance camera at the store showed that he had gotten out of the passenger side and gone around to the driver’s side, and started the car after she had left.

Although she maintained a calm demeanor through all of this, the stress began to take a toll on her. Gail Jeter realized she needed to make arrangements for the future.

“Outwardly, you’re not nervous; you think you’re calm. But then you find that you might have GI issues or different problems because you’re convincing yourself that you’ve got it handled,” she said.

She attended a caregiver support group, and through the group learned how to apply for Medicaid for her husband so she could afford to put him in a nursing facility.

“I knew that we were nearing the time where it would be too hard for me to take care of him by myself,” she said.

She hired someone to help her with caregiving tasks and took advantage of adult day care.

“When I hear people say that they take care of their loved ones and they are sitting at home, it’s almost like, for him that would be cruelty,” Jeter said. “I wanted him to have as much normalcy as possible and sitting home watching TV would not have been.”

In the meantime, she put him on the list for Valley View Nursing Care and Rehabilitation. That fall, he moved into the facility.

She said she found the Alzheimer’s Association’s 27/4 hotline (800.272.3900) very helpful.

“It helped keep me grounded and sane having the support group, having the 24/7 hotline, being able to communicate with others,” Jeter said. “Actually their situations were actually worse than mine, so I didn’t feel that I had any right to complain.”

She attended the Alzheimer’s Association’s Orange/Sullivan Wellness Retreat for family caregivers held at Frost Valley YMCA in Claryville last June, an experience she described as “profound.”

“I told everybody how wonderful it was. It was beautiful up there,” Jeter said. “I had brought Richard with me, and as we were getting up to eat, two of the attendants hurried up to me, and they wouldn’t let me do anything.”

The retreat, offered in partnership with Cornell Cooperative Extension Sullivan County, includes respite care and separate activities for caregivers and their loved ones. It is intended to give caregivers a much-needed break from their roles and enjoy a variety of activities such as massage, relaxation techniques, flower arranging, music therapy and more. This year’s retreat was held at the same location on June 19.

Jeter missed this year’s retreat because she was in Washington, D.C., for the Alzheimer’s Advocacy Forum with a group of other Hudson Valley advocates. The forum draws advocates from around the country to rally in support of families facing Alzheimer’s before visiting their lawmakers to share their stories and push for Alzheimer’s-related legislation.

Jeter became involved as a volunteer and participant in the Orange/Sullivan Walk to End Alzheimer’s three years ago as part of the Hand in Hand team. Last year, she was captain of her own team, Richard’s Hope, which she is merging into Team Valley View, a team created by the nursing care facility where her husband is now living. She has also served on the Orange/Sullivan Walk Committee for the past two years.

“It’s time for us to really get to the bottom of this,” Jeter said of the need for research to find a cure for Alzheimer’s.

About the Hudson Valley Chapter

The Hudson Valley Chapter serves families living with dementia in seven counties in New York including Dutchess, Orange, Putnam, Rockland, Sullivan, Ulster and Westchester. To learn more about programs and services offered locally, visit alz.org/hudsonvalley.

About the Alzheimer’s Association

The Alzheimer’s Association is the leading voluntary health organization in Alzheimer’s care, support and research. Its mission is to eliminate Alzheimer’s disease through the advancement of research; to provide and enhance care and support for all affected; and to reduce the risk of dementia through the promotion of brain health. Its vision is a world without Alzheimer’s. Visit www.alz.org/hudsonvalley or call 800.272.3900.

If you go

What: Orange/Sullivan Walk to End Alzheimer’s

When: Saturday, Oct. 6. Registration starts at 9 a.m.; opening ceremony is at 10 a.m. Walk starts at 10:30.

Where: Thomas Bull Memorial Park, 211 Route 416, Montgomery, NY 12549.

Register: OrangeSullivanWalk.org