When Death Hits Home: Looking At Death Through the Eyes of a Funeral Director

I work in a funeral home. I am a funeral director. I help families through the worst times of their lives. I lend them support, give them advice on how to honor their loved one who has died. I try to make things as easy and comfortable for them.  

What happens when death hits home and affects my family? Who do I turn to? Who is there to lend me advice? Who is there to help me through buring my grandfather, Charles J. Lorey?  He was there, and every person who I buried over the years.

This was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do to this point in my life. I was blessesd with having all of my grandparents to this point in my life. At 38 years old I am a lucky man.  

I was able to bring a great grandson to my grandfather nine months ago and that was the best thing I have done to this point in my life and his. The day I brought my son to see his Pop-Pop was such a happy day that I will never ever forget.

Over the last five days, I have had a mix of emotions -- many hills and valleys. The hills were hard to climb and the valleys were long. When I reach the peak, I only seemed to be there a short while. The one thing that kept me happy through it all was my son. His eyes are the same color as my grandfathers.  

I would tell families, "Hold on to the little things, those little moments you shared."  Boy do I ever.

When choosing a prayer for the back of the prayer card, we chose, "Come to Me"  It is probably the most popular card that families choose. When I read it, I cried. I cried because it fit and I cried becasue I wanted something different. I kept telling myself I can't choose that card...EVERYONE ELSE DOES"

Everyone who chose that card helped me choose that card.

It's funny how sometimes we are so quick to give advice. I have to as a funeral director. Sometimes the advice we give may just be something we say. Sometimes it is us just going through the motions. Sometimes we may say something and say it because we are "programed" to say it. Everything that I have told families over the years, that I said to them, I never knew if it worked or made them get through it.  But all of those things helped ME over the last couple of days.

Funeral Directors are not immune to death.  I cried like a baby on Sunday morning.  I cried so hard the first time I saw him back at the funeral home.  On Thursday, when we buried him  I sobbed so hard I could not catch my breath.  I cried when I helped carry my grandfather into and out of church. I am crying now as I type this.

We cry because we have lost someone we love. We cry because we feel hurt. We cry to help us feel better.

I am a funeral director and I am human. I feel the pain of loss just like you. I may have to be stoic, but grief is an emotion that is just as difficult to control as laughter. Let it out. Don't hold back your tears. Tears help bring healing and renewal. I know that my grandfather would have been telling me, "Michael, don't cry, I don't want you to cry." And I would tell him, I need to grandpa. We all need to cry.