Changed by 9/11: Christine Napolitano, Wife of NYC Firefighter

Though I have been reluctant to put pen to paper (or in this case, fingers to laptop), I find myself, as I always do the week before the anniversary of 9/11, thinking about those horrible days 10 years ago.

Every year, around this time, it feels as if a huge blanket of sorrow descends upon New York City and all those who witnessed one of the darkest days in history. I know that I feel it – a heavy weight of memories that come flooding back to me. As the wife of a NYC firefighter, it was a time in my life that still seems as if it happened yesterday. 

There is one particular memory that crystallized everything for me and yet, it didn't happen that terrible September day. It happened four months later on a bitterly cold January morning.

A good friend of my husband’s, firefighter Michael J. Cawley, had perished that awful day. The FDNY transported his family, along with my husband and myself, directly to the “pit” to see where his remains had been found a few months earlier.

As we snaked down the makeshift dirt road in a van, wearing hardhats, we found ourselves standing on this hallowed ground, surveying the most unbelievable scene.

Piles of rubble, steel and backhoes littered the ground. We stood in silence and tears transfixed by it all. I finally was able to focus on the men dressed in brown uniforms who were working in tandem with the backhoes… my husband explained that these were firefighters and police officers who were still looking through the rubble for remains. They were on their hands and knees sifting with what appeared to be small spoons.

Occasionally, one would stop, holding the tiniest object up to the sun and then gently depositing it into a bucket. I thought my heart would burst as I saw how intently each one of these “heroes” worked, so diligently and so respectfully. I'm sure they did not know we were watching them but it brought me some peace while standing in such a place where such unimaginable violence had taken place.

Being married to a member of the FDNY who devoted many hours to working on the “pile,” I know how uncomfortable the word “hero” is to them. As my husband always said, “The real heroes died that day.”

But I knew, when I watched those men working silently and tirelessly to find any remains that would make it back to their loved ones, that I was witnessing heroics of a different kind. As my memories of that day threaten to drag me into unending sadness, I try to remember all the acts of kindness that were so strongly displayed through the weeks and months after September 11.

The tragedy of that day will never be forgotten but what forever changed me is the memory of those men on that cold January day… to know that kindness, respect, love and honor will always prevail, even in our darkest hours.

Christine Napolitano is a member of the . She currently serves as board president.