B4B NYC, Food Festival Edition: 5 Best Bang-for-Your-Buck Fests in NYC This Weekend

NEW YORK, NY — We can't be certain, but it's starting to feel like the food gods must have recently proclaimed from their aerie: LO MORTALS, MAY THE WEEK AFTER LABOR DAY BE YON TIME FOR FESTIVALS OF FEASTING. Seriously, if you stand just about anywhere in New York City anytime in the next few days, then turn around with your arms outstretched, dollars-to-donuts you're gonna whack into some celebri-chef in the process of dressing an amuse bouche with a dollop of artisanal goo. (We were already hyping this weekend's Taste of the East Village a couple weeks back, but who knew there was just SO. MUCH. MORE to come.)

Therefore, in the name of taco trucks everywhere, we hereby present the Food Festival Edition of Patch's weekendly B4B NYC roundup — a curated list of the most interesting and affordable (and in this weekend's case, most sweet and savory!) events in New York City.

But first, it's a...

LEAVE-THE-GUN-TAKE-THE-CANOLIS ALERT!

FEAST OF SAN GENARRO

Where: Mulberry Street, Little Italy [map]

When: Saturday and Sunday, 9/17 and 9/18, from 11:30 a.m. to 11 p.m.

What: Why is it that every year, around the same time, you develop a sudden and unexplained hankering for a sausage-and-pepper hoagie? No, you're not having a stroke — it's just the Feast of San Genarro warming up in Little Italy. Religious in provenance, the festival centers around the actual Saint's Day on the 19th, but is now known mainly for parades, live entertainment and — of course — more funnel cake per capita than anywhere outside of Sicilia. (A figure that may or may not be true.) This year's Feast runs for two weekends: the weekend of Sept. 17 and the weekend of Sept. 24. Feel like a good pre-game? Don't miss the festival's famous cannoli-eating contest, taking place this Friday afternoon, Sept. 16, at the Ferrara pasticceria. More information here.

How much: FREE!

AUTUMN MOON FESTIVAL

Where: Snug Harbor Cultural Center, Staten Island [map]

When: Saturday, 9/17, from noon to 4 p.m.

What: Details are hazy, but at some point in time, back in ancient China, a beautiful young girl named Chang'e supposedly broke a fancy porcelain jar in the Emperor's Palace, setting off a kooky chain of events that involved a giant toad, 10 suns, an expert archer and a single pill that granted immortality. Chang'e eventually floated up to the moon: Her face now appears on the 15th day of the eighth month of the Lunar year, coinciding with the autumn harvest. Should you choose to ride the ferry out to Staten Island this Saturday and take the short walk over to Snug Harbor, you can see for yourself. Held in honor of Chang'e, the Autumn Moon Festival features live music and dance performances, Tai Chi demonstrations, calligraphy lessons and lots and lots of eats. More information and tickets here.

How much: Tickets are $10 for adults and $8 for children and seniors

THE NEW YORK COFFEE FESTIVAL

Where: 69th Regiment Armory, Flatiron [map]

When: Saturday, 9/17, three 3-hour sessions between 10 a.m. and 7:30 p.m.; Sunday, 9/18, two 3-hour sessions between 10 a.m. and 5 p.m.

What: If you're like us, coffee is less beverage and more religion; certainly, it offers similar spiritual transformative properties. This weekend, the 69th Regiment Armory in the Flatiron becomes a shrine to caffeine, thanks to the 2nd Annual New York Coffee Festival — where upward of 10,000 disciples will convene to pay homage to humankind's revered brown bean. During five three-hour sessions spread out over two days, attendees will enjoy live music, home-brewing workshops, plenty of nosh and (of course!) unlimited samples of the dark stuff. Just be sure to pack a couple Xanax for the trip home, because you will literally BOUNCE down Lexington when you're done. More information and tickets here.

How much: Tickets are $20-and-up in advance, or $25-and-up at the door

BROOKLYN LOBSTER TAKEDOWN

Where: Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club, Gowanus [map]

When: Sunday, 9/18, from noon to 2 p.m.

What: The Lobster Takedown is back! This time, at the totally fun Royal Palms Shuffleboard Club in Brooklyn. For two hours on Sunday afternoon, graze from up to 30 dishes — all concocted using closely guarded secret recipes from amateur chefs, and all starring the Crustacean Sensation. Then vote for your fave: Winners receive cash and prizes and, best of all, the coveted crown of Lobster Takedown Champ. More information and tickets here.

How much: Tickets are $35

BROOKLYN OYSTER RIOT

Where: John Street Park, DUMBO [map]

When: Saturday, 9/17, from 5 p.m. to 8 p.m.

What: Should you prefer your bottom feeders more mollusk and less crustacean, perhaps the Brooklyn Oyster Riot is your jam. Sample 12 different varieties of East and West Coast bivalves, shucked and served ice-cold on the half-shell, dressed with all manner of fancy mignonettes and saucery. Or just do like we do back home: Salt and lemon, bitches! Additional seafood options, like clams provençal and grilled coconut mussels, will also be on offer, along with beer and wine pairings so everything slurps down just right. Plenty of live music and a raffle or two are on schedule to keep things moving. More information and tickets here.

How much: Tickets are $95

12TH ANNUAL VENDY AWARDS

Where: Governor's Island [map]

When: Saturday, 9/17, from 12:30 p.m. to 5 p.m.

What: Where do food trucks go to die? Some junkyard in Yonkers. But where do they go to LIVE, baby, LIVE? Find out on Saturday at the 12th Annual Vendy Awards — basically the Oscars for street food. Twenty-six New York food-truck finalists, chosen throughout the year, finally face off this weekend for titles in a number of categories, including Rookie, Vegan and Dessert. Surrounded by the bucolic meadows of Governor's Island, attendees — along with a panel of guest chef-judges — will vote for their favorites after sampling from each truck. Comedian Dillon Stevenson is billed as host. More information and tickets here.

How much: Tickets are $100 and up (with proceeds going to the nonprofit Street Vendor Project)

And finally, because we're looking out for your next weekend self, too, it's a...

WITHDRAWAL-SYMPTOMS-INCLUDE-CRYING-AND-PHANTOM-THUMB-PAIN ALERT!

NO TEXT WKND

Where: Wherever you are! (Events in various locations)

When: Friday, 9/23, through Sunday, 9/25

What: Comediennes Jen Jamula and Allison Goldberg have made their bones with the sketch show Blogologues, in which they read text messages posted to the internet verbatim — turning them into the script for a stage performance. So it's *kinda ironical* now for the duo to be spearheading NYC's first-ever No Text Wknd, in which participants pledge to refrain from texting for about 72 hours. With all this newfound time on their hands, they are then encouraged to attend any number of a handful of related events — including comedy shows, a storytelling slam, a text-free cocktail hour, etc. More information and tickets here.

How much: Tickets for individual events cost $12 and up (although some events are FREE!)

Submit your event to arts@patch.com to be considered for the B4B NYC weekly roundup.