‘Flart’ Films His Flatulence; Internet Catches Wind Of It

This could be destined to become the next big internet challenge, and the good news is that while it may offend your olfactory senses, it’s not as dangerous as eating Tide Pods. It’s filming — well, videorecording — your flatulence. Yes, it’s come to that with our ever-slipping bar on what’s couth. A guy who goes by Paul Flart — seriously, we didn’t make up the name, he did — has been having a gas on his Instagram account, where for six months he has been posting videos of his damned-near pitch-perfect farts.

They burst out in massive blasts, linger as an adagio and whistle in an airy minuet. We’re talking a full orificial orchestra — banging cymbals, tooting trumpets and, baby, is it ever all about the bass. String the movements together, and you’ve got a sphincteric symphony suitable for — well, we don’t know quite what, maybe the seventh-grade boys’ locker room.

Oh. Dear. Lord. Say it in unison. Tide Pods seemed bad enough.

The internet sensation known as Flart has more than 54,000 Instagram followers to check in on his butt-babble. Yes, there is video. Many of them. He calls himself The Fart Authority.

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If Flart were this fart-fan boy’s real name, his fascination with the sounds of his own orifice might be dismissed as fate. We know it isn’t because Vice.com caught up with him and he wasn’t going to blow his cover into the wind and tell them who he really is.

You can’t blame him. After he used the lobby of the hospital where he worked as a security guard as a set for his video collection, they fired his tooting tooshie. So the 31-year-old, whose first name is apparently Adam, is looking for a job.

Paul Flart is a ripoff of “Paul Blart, Mall Cop,” Adam — that’s apparently the 31-year-old’s real first name — told Vice. After his dad died, he moved from New Jersey to Florida to help out his mom and got a security job at a hospital in Florida. Tooting his own horn a bit for Vice, he said his managers figured out how funny and personable he is and assigned him to the front lobby.

Everybody farts, Adam said, and he couldn’t help noticing during a lull in his shift how perfect the lobby acoustics were for people like him who let one with gusto.

“One day I ripped a rather nice one and got really good sound from it, so the next time it happened I recorded it and sent it to my group chat,” he told Vice.

Well, one fart led to another, and before long Adam and his friends had come up with their gaseous rip on “Paul Blart” and established social media accounts. He sprayed his scent in the first video on May 25 and has been blowing past follower records ever since. He got a big boost in traffic when the men’s interest site Barstool Sports caught wind of the farts-for-fun security guard. His farts are also trending on Reddit and he has followers worldwide.

“It transcends all languages,” he told Vice. “There’s no translation necessary, it’s just funny.”

We won’t bore — disgust? — you with all of the audio from Flart’s anus, but here is one video of him cutting the cheese that sort of gives you the idea:

Photo: Paul Flart YouTube channel